Each year my sainted wife, Smokey
the Cat, and I, make an annual pilgrimage to God’s Waiting Room (GWR),
otherwise known as, Florida
This trip usually takes us two
days and begins when the leaves have all fallen off the trees on The Eastern
Shore, and the Canadians depart their cold, snowy country. Not the geese, either.
I know this because, all the way
down Interstate 95, I see nothing but vehicles with Canadian license plates.
One Winnebago after another, all
towing cars, all driving in the left lane going 37 MPH, cruised to GWR. They closely resembled a freight train of
gypsies wearing stupid hats.
It was a shame they were forced
to share the left lane with all those folks from New Jersey
Here’s a quick lesson. Stand up.
Face north; use a compass if you must.
Point to the east with one hand, the west with the other. The one that is eastward it your right
hand. If other cars are passing you on
that side, you need to get over into the right lane and stay there. Amen.
By the end of our second day of
travel, it was official: the last person left Quebec
and was heading toward Georgia
We had a time getting Smokey into
his cage for the remainder of journey.
He so enjoys hiding behind the headboard of the hotel bed, clawed into
the Berber carpet, as if hanging onto a cliff.
Real coffee, good coffee, and the
obligatory $3 plastic bottle of water were bought at the gas station, for the
short trip to the first rest area.
We desperately tried to drive
slowly enough for the Canucks to catch up, but alas.
Just for the record, I am the
best driver in the world. Just ask my
sainted wife. So, here are a few quick
tips for your next road trip. And,
they’re free.
When driving, stop texting. Some woman in a Chevy Cavalier was texting
something critical to the national security while in the middle lane, driving
31 MPH. Yep, New Greaseyites and
Canadians thought they were in the Twilight Zone, actually passing someone.
If you pull out to pass a
vehicle, pass it. A new joke is out
there for the douchebags that drive those semis. They pull out to pass, and then slow down. I followed these assclowns for seven
miles. Must be a game of some sort for
the simple-minded truck drivers.
Stay in the middle or slow lane – remember our little lesson?
- unless you are passing. The passing
lane is no more scenic than the middle or slow lanes. Trust me.
Finally, at the rest stops, pull
into a space. Here’s a freebie: You will
not find anything closer to the door.
Besides, when you go to Walmart, with your pants up around your chest,
you walk for endless hours “for exercise.”
Try getting some at the rest area.
We arrived safely, thanked God
for an amusing trip, and enjoyed an adult beverage. I may wind up as stuffed as the turkey.
Happy Thanksgiving!
By the way, check back on Thanksgiving Day for a special treat!
