Non-Divine

For some years now America has been listening to other Americans gripe and carp about its duly elected president, Donald J. Trump.

One of those gripers and carpers happens to be a trollop named Bette Midler.

Midler is a 74-year old has-been that was a singer and an actress and is now a blogger who detests President Trump.

It’s unclear if these two know each other or have ever met.  But Midler has a proverbial hurt in her craw over the fact that President Trump is the leader of the greatest nation on Earth.

She often pops up like a turd in a punchbowl appearing on anti-American television programs such as The View, spouting her goofy Leftist angles of thought about everything that is decent and good in our country.

And it appears as though she still has that gift for antagonizing and demeaning not only President Trump, but the people who elected him into office.

Not Bette Midler, but another prevaricator

On a recent blog of hers, Midler, who is also known as The Divine Miss M, decided to wade into the tainted waters of the corona virus/COVID-19 outbreak.

Over the past few weeks, President Trump has been engaged in matters of state and affairs of political outreach with representatives of foreign countries.  Some of those gatherings have included dinners and close, private meetings with those heads-of-state.

As it turns out, two of those with whom The President met have tested positive for the COVID-19 flu virus.

Ever since those meetings, the tilted press has been publicly dogging President Trump about his possible contraction of the disease, and his need to be tested for it.

President Trump announced that he was, indeed, tested for COVID-19, and after the results were returned, White House physician Dr. Sean Conley announced President Trump “does not have corona virus.”

Unfortunately, Miss M feels otherwise and wrote so on her blog.  She proclaimed The President was a liar, and he is infected with COVID-19, and this was merely another fabrication among her magical number of 16,000 other lies she believes he told over the past three years.

No where did she mention Jerrold Nadler’s lies about Russian collusion, Adam Schiff’s lies about Russian collusion and irrefutable evidence of needs to impeach, former President Barack Hussein Obama’s lies about his poorly devised and implemented Affordable Care Act and savings associated therewith, Eric Holder’s lies about the infamous Fast and Furious gun running debacle, or Saint Hillary Clinton’s lies about not recalling answers to questions surrounding her illegal email server.

Fortunately for Midler, she likes to work off her own facts – much like comrade Joy Behar and Bernie Sanders, Juan Williams, and Don Lemon.

Alas, America took the words of all the aforementioned Anti-Americans throughout the years without a peep or associated news story.

I say it’s time to believe President Trump when he gives an answer to a question.  If, on the other hand, President Trump becomes ill with COVID-19, you may call him a liar, but not before.

Otherwise, you make yourself sound as stupid as you look.

The Magic Hat

One of my earlier jobs was working in a store.  There, I had to deal with total strangers, and whilst doing so, make them my best friends very quickly. 

A part-time colleague gave me a hint as to how to make this happen – simply tell your customers something funny, along the lines of a quick, clean joke.  People who smiled were more likely to buy something, he said.

In order to accomplish this goal I needed to learn copious amounts of clean jokes that were funny, to break the ice.  And my colleague was right; smiling people were money-spending people.

It wasn’t long before my commission sales skyrocketed, making me the district sales leader for three consecutive months.

This morning I spent nearly 20-minutes cleaning up the kitchen table, tossing out today’s newspaper, and making a fresh cup of coffee, to replace the cup I spit out 21-minutes earlier while listening to a television commercial.

I spend the mornings enjoying a cop of strong coffee while reading the fake news from yesterday in the form of the local newspaper.  I don’t believe much of what appears therein, but that’s another story for another time.

During my daily ritual, I have the television on in the background so that I may listen to news while I’m simultaneously reading it – something corporate America calls “multi-tasking”.  That actually translates to doing two jobs, neither of which will be done well.

On the television appeared a commercial for something that took me back to my store clerk days of yore, joke telling.

Here were two adults, a man and a woman, neither of which looked as though they were kicked in the head by a mule.  They enunciated each word and pleasantly smiled during their spiel, and actually directed my attention to hear what they were saying.

Their important-sounding sales pitch was for something called a “hat”.

You read that right.  They were selling a hat – actually a baseball-style cap – that possessed magical powers.

Those last words were mine because I was too consumed by multi-tasking to actually hear all the words in order.  Nonetheless, this ball cap was touted not only as a really cool-looking head cover, but also a money-back guaranteed medical device.

It seems as though my life has been incomplete because I didn’t have this headwear in my closet or on my head.

Now for the magic part.

The magic hat

According to the TV ad, if you simply wear this cap you will be able to re-grow hair on your head.  I suppose if, while you were overheated, you placed it on your knee, you would grow hair on your knee to rival an ape.  But I digress.

Apparently this special ball cap utilizes batteries to power the series of lasers that line the inside of this cap.  Those lasers are alleged to stimulate re-growth of hair follicles thereby creating a head of hair that would make Fabio blush.

Again, that last sentence was what I heard, and may or may not reflect what words were exactly implied.  I was busy, though.

Static pictures of before and after hair models were splashed on the screen, implying these results could resemble you in the near future.

It was about this time my Keurig coffee was spat across the kitchen table.  I immediately recalled my retail joke days.

Although most of my jokes were clean, they were not funny although they broke the ice.

This laser infused ball cap that could re grow hair was very funny.

I’m going to pass this onto my barber.

Color This

I’m currently helping my aging mother, who will henceforth be known as “Mom,” with rehabilitating her “new” home.  This new home is actually an old home that needed lots of TLC, and I don’t mean tables, ladders, and chairs.

My Mom is fastidious in that she is – well, hard to please.  But, in the matter of paint, her tastes would seem to be a breeze.

She likes paint in the color white.  I’m not going to get into an artistic argument with questions like, “Is ‘white’ a color?”  Back in second grade, Janice M., who sat across the aisle from me, corrected Sister Mary about white and its status as a color.  Who really cares?  Just relax and read on.

Shopping for paint should be easy since all the hard work of selecting the color is done.  A trip to the paint store was much more surprising than I anticipated.

I knew I wanted the walls, ceilings, and trim moulding, white.

“Thirty-two?” I asked with amazement.

One of the more popular colors of white available

“Yes, there are 32 different shades of white,” informed the paint clerk.  Much to my bemusement, there are even more from which to choose if you count all the different finishes.

Much along the way of Forrest Gump’s shrimp, you can find white in Arctic flat, Arctic semi-gloss, and Arctic gloss, among a whole lot of other colors.

It seems as though I don’t do nearly enough painting to escape appearing like a painting virgin inside a paint supermarket.

White for the walls should be flat.  Period.  Unless there is some skim coat that needs to be initially covered, the paint should be flat.  If you introduce a prior-painted wall with a color, that color needs to be covered with a primer, also in white.  The only other exception is in the case of a stain left behind by mastic; that stain should first be painted with a product called Kilz.

For those keeping track, first apply Kilz, then white primer, next white flat paint.  Two or more coats may be needed thereafter.  That would result in 4 to 5-coats of liquid wall covering.

Not being cheap, I was also shocked to learn that each can of cheap paint cost between $26 and $32 per gallon.

Just when I thought I had the problem of purchasing paint under control, I found that none of what I just bought would work on ceilings.  Evidently, ceilings need some anti-gravity paint in “ultra white” in order to remain off the floor.

It seems as though paint supermarkets conveniently have calculators to cipher the amount of paint you need buy.  The formula is something like: length x width of each wall, totaled together, plus the length x width of the ceiling, divided by your birth date, plus Thursday x $32 per gallon = $467 per room.  It should be noted that none of that $26 paint mentioned above will work for Mom.

After schlepping 311 gallons of paint, worth roughly $112,348, to Mom’s house, I realized I forgot that blue masking tape to prevent painting areas that should not be painted.  It only took 17 rolls to do the job.  After all, you don’t want your white paint to bleed into the white ceiling or white trim.

It didn’t take long to roll-on the paint and get a nice clean look.  The hardest part of painting was figuring out which paint was for the walls, which was for the moulding, and which paint should be used for the ceilings.

Opening the blinds and windows to ventilate the place resulted in a second-degree sunburn from all the white reflecting the light.  But, it’s clean and she’s happy.

Do Your Homework

It won’t be long now before we return to the polls to vote for the person to lead our country for the next four years.

Of course there are some readers who are now shouting at their electronic devices about how Saint Hillary Clinton was deprived of her rightful place in history by the Electoral College in 2016.

In fact, she wasn’t.  All she needed to do was ask her racially divisive buddy, Barack Hussein Obama. He bragged about being a Constitutional attorney who taught Constitutional Law classes at the University of Chicago Law School, so I’m sure he is very good at, well, Constitutional law.

If that were the case he could have helped Saint Hillary understand the purpose, and role, the Electoral College rightfully played in the 2016 election decision.  Alas, he didn’t.

And we, as a nation, have been saddled with countless whining tours and bad-mouthing sessions, interspersed with book tours, directed at President Donald J. Trump and the people who voted for him.

Speaking of which, it’s just about time when the political charlatans running for office and Leftist rabble-rousers begin crawling out from under their rocks for their annual pre-election campaign to “Get out the vote!”

It seems as though much of America is clueless or simply apathetic regarding elections, in general.

But it’s the federal elections that generate the most hubbubs.  Organizations spring up like mushrooms in a damp forest encouraging the clueless among us to “just get out and vote!”

They tell the weak-minded to exercise their right to vote because it’s important.

Unfortunately, they stop short of explaining the part of voting in which potential voters educate themselves on candidates and the issues at hand.

Too often we hear from the slanted media that someone is a racist, bigot, homophobe, hater, or stupid.  And those buzz words are supposed provide enough background to fabricate an informed decision about the person you want to lead the nation for four years.

As an aside, people hopefully select social dates more carefully than they choose their elected officials.

However, the people of America have evolved from a caring, united populace into a largely selfish, gimme-mine mob who put their own feelings and wants ahead of the nation’s needs.

It must be borne in mind that not only are the people selfish about the greed they desire, but the politicians are guilty, too.

They get votes to “do the will of the people.”  Whether it’s from a poor memory or some insidious disease upon taking the oath-of-office, they immediately forget what they said on the campaign trail.

Suddenly they find religion and vote contrary to the will of the people because the people are too stupid to know what they want.

And so it goes for the remainder of their terms with constituents writing and calling the elected official’s offices, to no avail.

Arrogantly, that “just vote!” message was simply a ruse to get these weasels into positions of power, only to be disappointed by their governing – business as usual.

So rather than just getting out and voting for the person with the broadest smile, cleanest haircut, longest term as bridesmaid, least accomplished as a Constitutional law professor, best fake Southern accent, accomplished time as a military pilot, most idle tenure spent in the U.S. Senate, or the sole homosexual in the race, do some homework about all the candidates.

You may discover they, too, are racist, bigot, homophobe, hater, or stupid.  It’s just that the media won’t say so BEFORE the election.