Time changes lots of things in ones life. The older we get the more we should realize
what works and what doesn’t, and hopefully we are able to distinguish between
the two.
Guys aren’t given a domestic handbook when they leave the
fold. Guys have to figure all that stuff
out by trial and error, and then we suffer for it the rest of our lives.
If you think this about road rage, it isn’t. This is about growing older and wiser and
knowing what to buy at the grocery store.
Young, single men may
have muscles, facial hair, and a sense of flair but, they have no clue as to
what a nutritious meal consists of.
Grocery stores are the women’s playground, enjoyed second
only to a shoe store. Guys, on the other
hand, see it as a semi-civilized version of waterboarding.
I used to shop for my grandmother and mother at any one of a
couple of local grocery stores.
The option was mine, and the selection was based upon which
trading stamps I needed to complete my book.
For the uninitiated, trading stamps came in several
varieties to include SSS, Plaid, and S&H.
All were doled out based on the purchase price. They were usually given out based on ten-cent
denominations of the sale, and placed in a book. Once the book was filled, they could be redeemed
for very usable things such as bait pails and folding aluminum lawn chairs.
This gimmick was supposed to lure shoppers into their
businesses rather than their competitor’s.
Even gas stations gave out these stamps. Alas, they are no more. But, I digress.
My first trip to a grocery store as a bachelor found me
bringing home all the nutritional necessities: potato chips, beer, and
frosting.
Today, however, shopping as a married codger is a bid more
challenging. The grocery cart often
resembles a farm wagon laden with unidentifiable green stuff – leaves and roots
dangling from the miniature chrome prison bars of the wobbly supermarket cart.
Of course there’s the given.
Steaks, burgers, and beer, are all at the top of my food pyramid, right
behind bacon and butter.
My sainted wife often has other nonsensical ideas with
things called kale and grits. Oatmeal is
another mystery food that I have only seen in cookies. And why would we need cumin and adobo?
Nonetheless, I now realize the error of my ways throughout
my life. And I now know what the words
from the great baseball player Mickey Mantle mean: "If I knew I was going
to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."
