As a kid I used to love
riddles. Riddles are designed to be
brain teasers, and for some they wind-up absolutely impossible to solve.
For example, being an omnivore, I
enjoy eating and eating meat.
Herbivores, on the other hand, avoid meat for any number of reasons.
The good news is there are plenty
of animals for me, and plenty of plants for herbivores.
The bad news is more and more
butinski’s feel the need to try to change my behavior; they desperately want me
to stop eating meat. But it’s not just
me as a target of diet modification; rather it is anyone with teeth.
Now for the riddle part of this
story.
Q: What does the hamburger chain, Burger King,
sell?
A: I don’t know.
Plant-based patties that are not
meat.
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| A photo of a real hamburger |
Don’t misunderstand me. Burger King sells juicy, flame broiled
burgers in a variety of sizes and weights.
But their latest ad campaign centers around befuddled people eating what
they thought were meat burgers. They
weren’t.
The gist of these ads, I believe,
are supposed to make you think these folks were duped into eating lawn
clippings rather than a juicy, broiled burger.
But enough about Burger
King. Tallmart has been selling
plant-based patties that closely resemble a hamburger. However, it seems that if it doesn’t contain
meat, it cannot be advertised or sold as meat.
That makes sense.
Clever names such as Impossible
Whopper and Beyond Meat are supposed to assuage any confusion about exactly
what is in that hamburger imposter.
Ingredients in Beyond Meat’s
meatless patties include water, pea protein isolate, expeller-pressed canola
oil, refined coconut oil, rice protein, and other natural flavors, including
apple extract and beet juice extract (for color).
Not being raised in a scientific
household, the pea protein isolate, and the expeller-pressed canola oil,
tickled my curiosity. It seems as though
pea protein isolate is good for you, unless you are allergic to it. It is used in smoothies and is high in
protein and iron.
Expeller-pressed canola oil is
also supposedly good for you, in that it is processed mechanically, but more
expensive.
Why has this mechanically
processed canola oil been such a secret?
But I digress.
And this is reflected in the
price of these planet-saving veggie patties which cost as much, or more than,
meat patties.
Environmental nut jobs have been
blaming something they call “climate change” on Donald Trump and his supporters
and cows.
They feel they are much, much
smarter than the rest of Earth’s populace, and now demand the end of the use of
cows for food because they – uh, well – fart.
Bearing some really bad news to
these environmental nut jobs, I feel the need to tell them that eating
plant-based anything will cause you to fart.
In fact, anybody would fart. That
includes yours truly. Yep.
Now that we have a meat-free
direction for the planet’s roughly 6,000,000,000 inhabitants, and realizing
there’s a difference between beef cattle and dairy cattle, I’m curious to know
where the planet’s babies going to get milk?
I believe dairy cows fart, too.
Back in the 1980’s Burger King
ran an advertising campaign that asked a simple question: “Where’s the beef?”
Well?
