We’re well amid the Christmas season where people like me
are desperately searching for gift ideas.
My sainted wife claims she has everything she needs – except
a young, virile cabana boy – so, shopping for her is arduous, at best.
I, on the other hand, can use practically everything,
including a brassier. My man boobs are
often dwarfed by those of acquaintances but, I could still use a training
bra. But, I digress.
Watching late-night television the other night caused me to
catch an ad for a giant, pajama-type wrap that contained footies to keep your
tootsies toasty. It was sold as “one
size fits all.”
This 60-second spot showed both men and women lounging about
with bowls of food and apparently watching TV.
In essence, these are thin sleeping bags with arms and legs.
The Snuggies appear to be geared toward folks who have ample
television-watching time on their hands, are too morbidly obese to wear PJ’s,
or are simply out of Christmas gift ideas.
Some serious thought came to me at this point. During the last commercial break
seven-minutes earlier, an Australian-accented guy was trying to sell me a
genuine imitation chamois cloth made from synthetic fibers.
It seems this ShamWow! rag is banned from the Great Lakes area.
If it happens to fall in to a lake, it is just too absorbent to be safe
and ensure any water will be left.
After a thorough wash, the video salesman dried an entire
Buick in nine seconds! He sopped up
spilled beverages of all types and after a quick wringing-out, he implied Moses
didn’t part the Red Sea . Rather, Moses used one of these shmatas to do
the job and, for only $12.99 plus shipping and handling.
Here is where my grey matter kicks-in. Normally known as “The Idea Guy,” I often
come up with really terrific ideas that are the envy of everyone else too lazy
to patent them.
I enjoy watching hours of NASCAR, football (not soccer)
games, and baseball. The most annoying
part of all these events, aside from the relentless commercials, is the
bathroom break time.
My sainted wife will espy me making my way from the bathroom
and immediately recall an inane task that absolutely must be completed RIGHT
NOW!
She thinks that since I am taking a break from the TV
action, I am disinterested in the goings-on in the sports venue from which I
just broke. She thinks wrong. But, this is not the time for an argument.
Now if I could only buy twelve of those super absorbent
towels and configure a pattern of sorts, I could sew them into one of those
over-sized pajama loungers with the footies.
Allow me to explain.
Not only would one of the homemade garments work well for me, allowing
me to avoid those pesky bathroom breaks, it would also be beneficial to those
folks targeted by the PJ wrap merchants.
Of course this is where you are likely trying to figure out
how to invest this stellar plan.
Sorry, but I work alone and count my money the same
way. Just keep your eyes open for a
late-night ad for the “Snug-Wow!” And,
my sainted wife’s eyes will light up with delight when she receives the
prototype as a Christmas gift.
