Should someone say, “Give me five,” you might be tempted to
hand over some money and, you would be dubbed ‘terminally un-hip.”
That simple phrase means to touch hands to celebrate, greet,
or congratulate. The “five” refers to
the number fingers on one’s hand, and is often called a “high five.”
This primitive method of shaking hands is usually reserved
for people who are perpetually-hip.
Somewhere in the 1970’s, some baseball players touched
hands, creating a gesture that would only lead to further annoyances.
Little kids would high five adults to the giggles of
observers who thought that was cute.
High fives ran rampant about offices, bowling alleys, and sports arenas.
It wasn’t long before most men forgot how to shake hands, rather
opting for a high five.
Fast forward to today – some 35 years later – and we have
virtually forgotten about high fiving anyone or anything.
Those crude slapping gestures have somehow evolved into – drum roll, please – hugging.
Yes, in the event you have yet to be hugged by someone,
anyone, you’re in for a treat.
I’m all for hugging comely, nubile women because I like
humans of the female persuasion. On the
other hand, guys, not so much.
Still, men will walk right up to you and give you a
hug. Some guys are sneakier than that,
though. Those are the ones who approach
with an outstretched hand. Once contact
is made, they use leverage to tug you against their bodies. Bleewwchh!
I’ll wait while you look up “bleewwchh” in the dictionary.
Never being a hugger with anyone except my sainted wife, and
Smokey’s 19-year old Swedish au pair,
such an act puts me in a particularly awkward position with my body pressed
against that of another man.
I see benefits in hugging members of the opposite sex; I see
no benefits to me with other guys. This
is not a homophobic statement anymore than having a woman balk at hugging an
offensive woman or smelly man.
Whatever happened to all that ‘personal space’ stuff that
was the topic of all conversations with women in the 1980’s?
Four-feet were the appropriate distance, if I correctly
recall. Any encroachment was reason
enough for a female to break out that relatively new invention, pepper spray.
I, too, have personal space that shouldn’t be invaded by
anyone except my sainted wife and au pair
Heidi. Or any comely, nubile ladies.
If you see me on the street, you may shake my hand or high
five me. Don’t hug me!
