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| Mayan Calendar |
This is as splendid a time as any to bring you the good
news. Forget about paying your mortgage,
keeping up with your credit card bills. You
can kiss that car payment goodbye and toss that Christmas shopping out the
window.
Each year I buy a calendar, date book, and an almanac. This year is going to be different,
though. You see, there will be no
civilization to track after December 21, 2012.
This is not something I contrived but, it is the definitive answer to
the question of why the Mayan calendar ends on that date.
Numerologists read that date as 12/21/12, or 122112 with the
slashes removed. This is pretty
significant stuff, I guess, but I’m not a numerologist.
It seems as though archeologists have been panning through
Mayan civilization artifacts for decades.
They found that the Mayans were an advanced civilization that lived in
South America and created calendars over the centuries. These are not the pin-up calendars with
bikini-clad women or super exotic sports cars; rather, they were based upon
planet sightings and alignments and literally carved in stone.
Esteemed scientists plotted these calendars for years – much
like a high school teacher checking a sophomore’s homework – and realized that
these calendars end on 12/21/12.
This news was so disturbing to these researchers that they
deemed this date the day of Armageddon.
According to the bearers-of-bad-news, nothing good can come of this
cessation of dates etched into limestone.
Some of these experts think the magnetic poles of the Earth
will shift, others believe the planet will cease spinning altogether. My worst case scenario is that Alec Baldwin
would make another movie. But, I
digress.
In any case, such changes would result in catastrophic
flooding, earthquakes, and even hurl Earthlings into space. Turning lemons into lemonade, such a
cataclysm might actually be beneficial.
Shopping for a special gift for your wife or husband or General
Patraeus wouldn’t be necessary.
Returning those unwanted socks with toes, would be non-existent, and
that trip to the in-laws’ home for Christmas dinner, reprieved.
All this sounds awfully cynical but, it’s not my call. The scientists studying that Mayan debris
started this. Just how we are expected
to prepare for this devastation remains unclear.
The recent trek of Hurricane Sandy up the east coast
demonstrated the frailty of Americans and their ability to handle a category 1
storm.
Still, if incorrect in their warning about a 12/21/12
calamity, those esteemed scientists are cut from the same cloth as the
scientists crying about climate change and the need for actions to stop that
alleged problem. There wasn’t much
anyone could do to avoid being affected by Hurricane Sandy and there isn’t much
anyone can do about the Earth re-tilting on its axis.
Nonetheless, you should plan according to your beliefs. I’ll still hang my Christmas lights and buy
those special gifts on the outside chance that Mayan calendar maker got another
job, died, or tired of stone carving.
Otherwise, check back here on December 24th for a
new story.
