After a jam-packed schedule with six of my doctors – most of whom insist I lose weight – I decided to desperately try my diet anew. If you were wondering, the only one not concerned with my weight was my dermatologist – although she did mention I was quickly running out of skin with which to contain my bodystuffing.
Using sentences such as “Perhaps you could pare down your food intake by slicing your main course of one raisin in-half,” and “A quarter teaspoon of cottage cheese may be too much for you to digest,” weren’t particularly helpful with my quest.
Last night I enjoyed a nice green salad that could probably sate a hummingbird, but the problems arose when I tried to open a bottle of oil and vinegar dressing with which to adorn my torturous meal.
Upon cutting off the cellophane wrap, then unscrewing the plastic cap, I came across a foil disk welded onto the mouth of this plastic vessel. Alas it was time to break out power tools.
My first thought was that I had reached the Seven Seals of the Apocalypse, but there were only three on my countertop. It was at this point I realized this was merely a memorial to the Great Tylenol Scare.
It was 1982, when people around the Chicago area were mysteriously dying by poisoning. Seven people of varying backgrounds were dead because they took doses of tampered Tylenol Extra-Strength capsules, unknowing those capsules were laced with potassium cyanide.
Widespread panic along with a massive recall of Tylenol were the results of this heinous act of product tampering.
Suddenly, life had changed from being simple and innocent to complex and untrusting. There was no turning back now.
Boxes containing salves, eye drops, and aspirin were immediately sealed to prevent manipulating the products contained therein. To add more pain to the process, pharmacies also wanted to get in on the act by introducing child-proof caps to all drugs they dispensed. Those pharmacy caps added a new level of excitement to prying them open much like a safecracker.
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| Assortment of tools to open a jar of grape jelly |
Not to sound uncaring, this mayhem occurred 43-years ago, and as of this writing, no suspects have been arrested or charged with any of these crimes.
Of course, there were also what police like to call “copycat crimes” that closely simulated the seven deceased. Just for the record, copycats are wackos that feel they can mimic activities – in this case homicide – to either exact revenge or merely test the waters of possibility. In any case, they earn their ‘wacko’ moniker through such actions.
Still, this was largely the advent of everything from non-tamper lids to child-proof packaging that, after nearly a half-century have become the bane and cause of inventing new swear words by consumers everywhere.
Pliers, utility knives, hack saws, and sledgehammers – albeit small – are regular tools used open stubborn packaging that prevent not only tampering, but use of the products themselves.
And how regularly, upon discovering a problem, politicians are quick to offer a solution – no matter how good or bad their solution is. They enjoy pointing out that at least they “did something.”
In this case, the “something” was to transfer the onus onto the general public in the form of the consumers. It didn’t matter that the elderly who are stricken with arthritis, or those with poor eyesight and weak hands need to break into well-sealed bottles for food or medications. Measures by the all-knowing political elite were on the case and micromanaging our lives for brownie points, thank goodness.
Here is where I must simply, directly suggest to these do-gooders that they leave me alone. Your ideas and actions to help only hurt others, largely because you’re politicians, not geniuses. Stop It! Now get to work on finding the Tylenol culprit.
