Check the Mirror

Just yesterday my head nearly exploded.

Reading the news on my phone, computer, and in the newspaper, are some of my favorite pastimes.

I get to stay updated with information of my choosing by selectively finding, then reading, news items in which I might be interested.  These methods have served me well for decades because they have helped me intelligently vote for able candidates, and assist me as simple conversation starters.

Although I’ve been doing this since I was a kid – when Edsel’s were still unpopular – I find “the news” has been changing.

I firmly believe reporters are becoming lazier and more vocal by promoting their personal agendas, as there has been a distinct change in news items.

Object of The Left's obsession

In fact, most of what appears in today’s media is not news, rather it is opinion disguised as news.  In other words, tripe.

An excellent example is something that caught my eye in print.  A news item in The Baltimore Sun was recounting an exercise in vilifying guns.

“Young leaders call for action on gun violence,” was the heading that so desperately attempted to place the blame for shootings on the gun instead of the miscreants using the gun.

Not without merit, writer Jonathan Pitts did his absolute best to give readers the feeling that gun owners were the nefarious among society, and that many of the victims were younger than 24-years of age.

Unfortunately, not all numbers are facts.  Sometimes those numbers are just numbers.  Except when numbers are intentionally omitted, that is.

This event was the inaugural “summit” sprouted by youths who desire an end to gun violence.  Evidently there were numerous similar events held “coast-to-coast,” with attendees wearing orange shirts and hats, bracelets, and pins, surrounded by orange balloons.

And all this, along with rousing speeches, were part of a propaganda effort to create a feel-good atmosphere.  Mr. Pitt’s reporting failed to mention the actual number of attendees at this Coppin State summit.  Instead, he wrote one of the teenage founders “hoped to draw as many as 500 for its first event, but he saw Saturday’s attendance as a good start for a long-term mission.”

Being sufficiently vague by leaving out figures can only mean a smattering was present for this monumental call for “dialogue.”

I believe the dialogue represents an old adage, “Talk is cheap.”

And that tired “creating awareness” line should be reserved for exposing the hard facts about why people have no respect for human life, rather than blaming inanimate objects for society’s woes.

I’m just saying…

Random Thoughts VI

More random thoughts are here.  It seems as though the weather has kept me inside, hydrated, and thoughtful.  With that, below is another brilliant list of those thoughts.

• Not all doctors are good doctors.
• Collusion: illegal cooperation or conspiracy, especially in order to cheat or deceive others.  Mrs. Clinton, this applies to you.
• You must be vain to think strangers are going to buy your autobiographical book.
• Bernie Sanders sounds like a Russian, with all his socialistic/communistic ideas.
• If you are employed by a business, you should at least pretend you work there.
• Telemarketers are as slimy as jewelers and car sales folk.
• What is the point of Black Lives Matter?
• Is golfing supposed to be alligator-laden dangerous to speed up the game?
• Let’s add alligators to baseball.
• An electric car that can travel 230 miles on a charge?  Forget it.  It would take me a week to drive to Florida.
• Donald Trump is President!  Yeah!
• It’s amusing to watch stupid people act as though they are brilliant.
• To all those kids who made fun of my glasses in fifth grade, but now wear clear glass frames to now look smarter, I say, “F-you!”
• Why is it so important to have illegal aliens in the United States?
• White Lives Matter, too.
• Watching Maxine Watters is better than watching cartoons.
• Is it the law for the Chincoteague food trucks to charge $16 for a sandwich?
• Just who buys that awful one-ply toilet paper?  Are you that cheap?
• Donna Brazil ought to be serving time in federal prison
• All those obstructionists, anti-Trump Republicans better hone-up their resumes.
• Clearly, global warming is causing these hot and humid conditions.
• Bring on some global cooling so I can go ice skating.
• I’m ready for fresh, Virginia corn-on-the-cob.
• Someone told me there was an Assateague Island in Maryland.
• I personally boycott states that preclude me from exercising my Second Amendment rights.
• Car insurance companies should go bankrupt for penalizing you for filing a claim.
• I’m trying to propagate weeds; if I’m lucky, they’ll die like my lawn.
• Cost of rope: $4.00; cost of marine rope: $18.00.
• The retarded kid speeding around town, in her patchwork truck, needs to have her license revoked.  You know who you are, Charlie.
• I love scrapple.
• Sayonara, Sears!
• Ford, you’re next.
• Box wine is just as good as bottled wine.
• If you liked the stop lights and high-end coffee boutiques in your town back home, you should have stayed there.
• Don’t knock on my door unless you have money for me.  Period.

And the Answer Is…

Today we begin with facts.

Fact:  The Virginia town in which I reside has no mail delivery.

Fact:  That is all about to change.

Fact:  Not without controversy.

Fact:  This story is going to be fun.

Our town was founded in 1867.  According to Wikipedia, seven years later, the United States Postal Service officially named our town “Greenbackville.”

Contrary to what Spell Check says, that is the correct spelling.  Blame the USPS.

In all these years, we’ve had a small post office in town, but that disappeared about five years ago when their personnel did their best to goad the Postmaster General into closing it.  That may not seem like a big deal however, we had to physically visit the post office to retrieve our mail; there was no home delivery available.  Period.

At that time, the Greenbackville Post Office merged with the Horntown Post Office, roughly six miles away – not a considerable distance as rural areas go.

Upon closure, the personnel mysteriously vanished – or were perhaps reassigned – as they should have been.

And everything in our little enclave was becoming “normal” again.  Until two weeks ago, that is.

My sainted wife dutifully picked-up the mail from the bustling Horntown facility and found something disturbing therein: a letter to all former Greenbackville customers.  Apparently the merge created an overwhelming burden of more work.

This two-page letter painfully explained how we now had an option to either erect a mailbox at our residence, or we could continue to pick up our mail.  If we elected to pick it up, we would begin paying for a Post Office box.  It was a no-brainer.

I proactively purchased an over-sized box, wooden post, and lettering, to make this happen.  I also called a lady named Miss Utility. 

Miss Utility, it turns out, is not a woman; it is a service that marks the ground where public utilities run.  Knowing where to dig can prevent damage to telephone and cable TV lines, and prevent an electrocution from accidentally finding an electric cable.

I called them and had my area spray-painted with orange and red dashed lines and arrows.

Neighbors watched through drawn blinds and curtains, not sure of what to make of all this.  In fact, I had two approach me with questions about what size silo I was going to build.

While I explained the previous few paragraphs to them, their eyes glazed over and they strolled away like zombies to smoke more reefer.

It seems as though the USPS has not evolved much since 1874.  Their brilliant plan for individual residential mail boxes contained a ‘hitch in their giddy up.’

Their new rule was ALL MAILBOXES ARE TO BE PLACED ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE STREET.  NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

The only exception was on the next block where they could be located on either side of the street.

Scenario I am trying to avoid

All this meant I get to stare at five mailboxes on my pristine lawn.  They would be different sizes, colors, varying supporting posts, and likely crooked.  Yea!

So a quick trip to Horntown for a meeting with the powers-that-be was akin to talking to an aluminum folding chair.  Since I don’t handle “stupid” well, I let my sainted wife take the lead.

The brain trust explained the rules to me herthusly:  All boxes on my street were to be placed on the same side of the street.  I already read that part in the letter. 

When she asked why another street was exempt from this rule, she was told the delivery person would have to turn around for the other side of the street.  No lie.

There you have it. Rural Postal Service personnel have difficulty figuring out how to use a steering wheel.

And people wonder why the USPS loses money.

Bad News, Good News

My life is chock full of ‘good news, bad news’ scenarios.

An example of good news, bad news, goes thusly: Bad news – doctors had to amputate both your legs; Good news – your roommate is interested in buying your bedroom slippers.

Two-weeks ago I received a voicemail message from someone named Agent Hobart, who couldn’t speak English.  He claimed to be working for the Internal Revenue Service, and I was being contacted because I was delinquent in my payment to the IRS.

I couldn’t see how that could happen because I pay a certified public accountant to do my taxes, and those tax dollars I owe are remitted quarterly.

Nonetheless, I continued to listen with bated breath.

The caller insisted I purchase, and send, an ITunes gift card to them immediately.  Immediately, they said.

This made me curious since after dealing with the IRS for over a half-century, I never realized I could simply buy an ITunes card for payment to the federal guvment.

Opening up a whole new horizon, I began thinking about this brilliant way of paying for guvmental stuff.  I quickly called the U.S. Department of State to inquire about getting a passport.  When I asked about paying for it with an ITunes card, they rudely hung up.

Then it was a call to DMV who also disconnected my call.  The county treasurer, state taxation department, boat registration section, and pet licensing division, all cut me off, too.  It was at this point I realized I was having trouble with my telephone, so I called the phone company.

While I had them on the line I posed the ITunes card question to them, at which point the representative laughed until the line went dead.

It seems as though the IRS is on to something with this payment method.  I instantly contacted Sunoco, Wal-Mart, Safeway, Publix, and my local car dealership to see if they take these handy gift cards as transfer of funds for regular purchases of gas, sleeveless t-shirts, and cheese.

Alas, only the federal guvment’s IRS is savvy enough to blaze the trail in payment in lieu of cash.  This was important as I, according to Agent Hobart, was looking at 20-years of hard time in a federal prison.

Just when I thought this bad news was only getting worse, a “ding” on my cell phone informed me of an incoming email.

Here it was – a sign from above that things were only going to get better.

It was an unexpected mail message from Ogumbi Oswala, an African prince.  I didn’t recognize the name, but continued to read this e-letter with interest.

Not Prince Ogumbi Oswala, just Prince

As it happens, Prince Oswala came across 45-million US dollars following an overthrow of power in his sovereign country.  Because of the local turmoil there, Prince Oswala needed someone to hold onto this $45,000,000, for a couple of weeks, after which the holder – that would be me – would get half of that money.

It was a no-brainer.  Twenty-two and a half million bucks for only waiting a few weeks seemed like a win-win situation for both me and Prince Oswala.  The only catch was I needed to deposit $10,000 of good faith cash into Prince Oswala’s private account.

What could possibly go wrong?

It was a done deal as far as I was concerned.

I immediately returned Prince Oswala’s email with a phone number of the IRS, instructing him to touch base with Agent Hobart.  Perhaps they could meet up and exchange stories and the $10,000 the Prince needs.  Plus the federal guvment could get another $22,500,000, for their coffers.  Problems solved.

Bad news, good news, you see.