Special Special

What a treat we have for you today.

This week’s story is not just special, it is special special.  Yep, it’s so good we labeled it special twice.

In honor of Earth Day, which rolls around every April 22^nd, this special special story addresses this gala and actually helps solve some major problems.

In the 1970’s a fellow named Paul Ehrlich proudly, but sadly, announced the Earth was freezing.  After years of astute research, Ehrlich claimed Mother Earth was quickly becoming a giant walk-in freezer, and the entire population would be dead within a few years.

National magazines and newspapers climbed aboard his ice train o berate everyone who disagreed with his astute postulation.  His face dotted television shows while his books flew off the shelves.

Of course, he was wrong.  We are still alive and really sweating during the summer months, and have been doing so for centuries.  Unfortunately, those ninnies who embraced Ehrlich’s hare-brained postulation, refused to be wrong.

After realizing the Earth wasn’t freezing, they claimed it was warming, instead.

Those changes were grabbed by the freezing crowd, likely because they were now perspiring as a result of summer weather.

 But when the sweating changed into freezing again, something new was needed to latch onto.  That is when “climate change” became vogue.

Climate change, as a term, is sufficiently vague to describe, well, nothing except weather.

The good news was that when it was hot outside, it was because of global warming; when it was cold outside, it was due to global cooling.  Wow.

Today, however, we now have esteemed researchers and scientists such as Bill Nye, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Albert Gore, Tilda Swinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Harrison Ford, Matt Damon, Olivia Munn, Jessica Alba, Don Cheadle, America Ferrera, and Michael C. Hall, all of whom believe climate change is something that should be addressed NOW!

Too bad none of those aforementioned walk or ride bicycles to climate change conferences, or are actual researchers or scientists.

Ocasio-Cortez said our home planet only has 12-years left before something really bad happens.  She made that juvenile statement on the U.S. House of Representative floor inasmuch as she is a newly-elected Congressperson.  The brain trust is clearly dwindling.

AOC, as common sense people call Ocasio-Cortez, just had an epiphany she needed to share with stupid Americans: Immigrants are leaving Central and South America to come to the United States, because of climate change.  How she made that absurd leap is baffling to me.

Not to be left out, USAToday, a really good fish-wrapping national “newspaper,” printed an Onion-like story that pollen sufferers could blame their sneezing and runny nose maladies on climate change.  Of course.

Among other reasons for climate change include cow flatulence, exhaling, not enough trees, too many trees, the internal combustion engine, burning coal, and burning oil, are to blame, all of which are man-made.  By the way, I know cow farting is not man-made, but we should take the blame anyway.  Bad humans.

Always overlooked reasons are volcanic eruptions, orbital changes, solar radiation, and crustal plate movement, all of which are out of anyone’s control.  Oh, no.

So it was on this special special Earth Day that I felt such FACTS be published to help the nitwits spouting lies and their own manufactured “truths.”

Bottom line: If we had the power to change the climate of planet Earth, we would likely first focus on tornadoes, hurricanes, and excessive precipitation, and that would be special special.  We can’t change any of it, though.

It’s about time to get on with our lives and plan on living more than 12 additional years.

Happy Get A Life Day!