It should come as no surprise
that each of us find different ways to entertain ourselves. Some of us go to the movies, some enjoy
amusement parks, others like to visit the beach, while some have fun hiking
through the woods.
Sure there are countless other
ways to pleasantly pass the time but, there isn’t enough time to discuss them
all. That’s why I’m going to let you in
on my personal ways to amuse myself.
A regular trip to my local
shopping establishment, whose identity we’ll disguise by calling it Tallmart,
provides me with inexpensive, healthy, and humorous time I consider well-spent.
My sainted wife, her friend, and
I were cruising the aisles of Tallmart when I quickly discovered I was walking
in a parallel universe.
 |
| The Male Ben Roethlisberger |
Standing before me was a female
Ben Roethlisberger. I know it was him
because I personally saw his name emblazoned on his Pittsburgh Steelers
jersey. Except he was a she. And, she could have been a he. I’m just saying.
Then I came across a woman who
was wearing a very short dress made from cheese cloth. Every ripple and piece of underwear was quite
visible; it shouldn’t have been as this vision would clearly have been illegal
in 38 states. Of course I left my cell
phone in the car.
Eventually, after the blindness
left my eyes, I spied another Tallmart anomaly – some employee was actually
doing some work, rather than standing around idly shooting the breeze with
other equally idle employees.
Then it was off to the deli
counter for some lunch meat. I asked
this woman for a pound of hard salami.
After several industrious minutes she placed the thin-sliced Italian
delicacy on the scale.
This mass closely resembled a
bird’s nest of monofilament fishing line.
I stared at it for a second; then I asked what she was doing.
“You said you wanted a pound of
hard salami,” she snapped.
“Did you think of peeling the
skin off before you began slicing?” was my question.
“You didn’t ask me to remove it!”
was her retort.
As I marched away empty handed, I
could hear her yelling that I forgot my order.
I didn’t.
After finding a manager, I
explained this episode to her. She shook
her head and rued that all employees are here because they “passed the drug
test.”
It seems as though competence,
skills, knowledge, and playing well with others, is not critical to hiring at
Tallmart. Only the fact that you can
pass a pee test is critical to the Tallmart dynasty.
This was the moment I realized
why Tallmart was so darn entertaining.
If someone in Benton , Arkansas
You might actually find some
competent employees. Or not.
