What a great world in which we
live! Last week I had my butt parked in
my recliner desperately
I walk pretty regularly, and
since my house is pretty small, I must do most of my walking around town. In doing so, I get to meet neighbors, get
local news, and snoop on whose lawn needs mowing.
But walking in the rain is much
more miserable than Gene Kelley would lead you to believe. Period.
So it was with great interest I
watched seven svelte exercisers, on my high-definition television, swivel their
way to unbelievable fitness in thirty seconds.
It seems as though another
anonymous entrepreneur created a new miracle contraption to help the residents
of Planet Earth effectively lose weight, and smile while doing so.
Amazingly, this wonder device is
a plastic board that is bulged in the center.
The bulge gets placed on the floor.
You step on the edges thereby creating a swivel pivot point. This is when you move your arms to mimic the
‘60’s dance craze, The Twist.
Although I rarely watch Dancing
With the Stars, I did see it once. My
sainted wife used copious amounts of duct tape to secure my arms, legs, and
mouth, in my favorite recliner, facing the TV.
Where was the water-boarding when I needed it? But I digress.
I was ten-years old, or so, when
Ernest Evans – er – Chubby Checker recorded The Twist, thereby unfurling a
craze like few others. This is one dance
I at which I actually excelled.
Evidently, the person who
invented this swivel exerciser is a geezer who thought a new generation of
dancers needed to experience the same fun he did nearly 60-years ago.
I let my fingers do the walking
through the internet to order one of these miracle boards.
It arrived last Saturday. I unwrapped it like a tot on Christmas
morn. Mine was blue and ready to go to
work.
With the distended side floor-ward,
I cautiously steadied myself with the benefit of a chair. I likely burned 78 calories attempting to
step aboard this board without dislocating my back.
Eventually I stood up with Smokey
the cat eyeballing me with pity. When it
was clear I wasn’t going fall and split my skull open, he left to resume his
nap.
Trying to recall Chubby’s dance
steps, I realized it had nothing to do with moving your feet – only your arms.
Moving my upper limbs in a
fashion akin to a washing machine agitator; I actually made this death trap
move. I was now swiveling.
I had carefully placed several
bath towels around me before I began to soak up those calories that would melt
away; come to fund out, they weren’t needed.
After about 45-seconds I lifted
my t-shirt to check on my abs. They
didn’t appear any tighter. It took me a
few more seconds to realize I may have been sold a bill of goods.
All was not lost, though. I conveniently placed this swivel board on
the dining room table. It now serves as
a lazy Susan.
