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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Phoney Etiquette


 
In these days it is difficult to find someone without a cell phone.  For those readers just awakening from a 20-year coma, cell phones are not communication devices used in penal institutions rather, they are portable telephones that do not require wires.

Much like a walkie-talkie of old, these devices are not tethered to the kitchen or living room wall thereby limiting one’s roaming range.

These things are everywhere and used by everyone.  Children who are in elementary school have them so that they can keep Mom and Dad advised as to where the police are booking them, Mom and Dad have them so that they are able to surreptitiously chat with their illicit lovers, and drug dealers have them to better serve the public.

The guvment feels so strongly about people having cell phones that people too destitute to buy and pay for their own plan can get one from Uncle Sam for nothing.

Illegal aliens all have them, homeless folks have them, and even senior citizens have them, although those are equipped with buttons the size of drink coasters.

Such technology affords much portability, sometimes too much.  Times were when people needed to stay home to await a return phone call or bide time until a business opened.

Today, those same folks are on the road clogging traffic and generally annoying the rest of society.

Once, I was shopping for groceries when I caught the middle of a monologue-conversation.  A lone female voice was yammering-on about her previous night’s sexual escapades with a guy she found at a nightclub.

Evidently this guy was pretty proficient between the sheets and did his best to prove it last evening.  Oblivious to her surroundings, this athletic participant really didn’t need a phone to broadcast her dreamy feelings for her new Romeo.

Of course I followed her to get as much of the story as possible.  After passing the artichoke hearts, she turned to see me totally engaged in her tale.

“This is a PRIVATE conversation!” she announced with a sneer of which Snidely Whiplash would be jealous.

Smugly I announced, “No, it isn’t.”

And, I was right.

If you want to talk about your personal affairs to everyone, everywhere, you should not be surprised if anyone listens.

I dare say a protocol should be established for cell phone use in “unnatural” places.

Those are areas in which corded phones were not typically used when they were popular.  Such places are stores, while driving in your vehicle, on mass transit, an airplane, and especially a bathroom.

If hear you talking to me with a serious echo in the background, I’m now listening for the “splash.”

I’m just saying.