When the Moon Hits Your Eye

Rudyard Kipling wrote, “A woman is only a woman, but a good Cigar is a smoke.”

 

Pizza is one of those foods that can be awful and still enjoyed by the masses.  And until you’ve had a really good one, you don’t know what you’re missing.  It is a personal thing.

 

Each is subject to personal taste and should not even be confused with the stuff sold in the frozen food department of grocery stores.

 

Those flour-derived manhole covers are generally disgusting and resemble nothing like a fresh, hand-made pie adorned with quality toppings.  Often, their boxes taste better than the product.

 

You’ll hear Madison Avenue types promising “rising crusts” and “real pizzeria tastes.”  One even claims their frozen pizza is indistinguishable from delivery; they’re wrong.

 

Pizza is a food that is pretty much regional.  New York pizza is thin, flexible, and greasy; some like to describe it a “foldable.”  A good New York pizza slice can be contorted like a paper airplane and after eating two slices, it makes you want another.

 

Pennsylvania pizza is thick and doughy.  From both Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, pizzas are usually akin to a loaf of bread with ketchup and some unidentifiable cheese.  For some unknown reason, it is served lukewarm or cold – not something of which I am fond.

 

Moving around the country, Chicago brags about its pizza that is served in a skillet-like vessel and called “pan pizza.”  Pan pizza is not really pizza, although it is very good and very filling.  Once again, it is a personal thing.

 

Now Florida, which is a compilation of refugees from high-tax New York State, lack-of-job Michigan, toxic waste New Jersey, snowy Illinois, and just about everywhere else people are escaping you-fill-in-the-blanks, is also a haven for those trying to establish pizzerias.

 

Referring back to that “personal thing,” these pizzeria chefs bring what they know and what they think people want.  But, while they are trying to serve a wide mix of tastes they wind up offending other, more distinguishing palates.

 

Then, there are the pizza chains.  Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, Hungry Howie’s, Domino’s, and Little Caesar’s, are a few that come to mind.  They’re okay in a food emergency or actually very good for the “real pizza” virgins.  I’ve tried them all, and found Hungry Howie’s to be the absolute worst with chimpanzees manning the phones and ovens, alike.  But, I digress.

 

Since it is so difficult to locate anyone who knows how to make a pizza I enjoy, I have turned to making my own.  My sainted wife and I mix flour, yeast, water, sugar, salt, and olive oil.  Granted, it takes longer than take-out, but, you know what goes in and on it.  We also use it to rid the fridge of leftovers. 

 

Toppings are whatever is in the vegetable bin, meat bin, or our special desires.  Our personal toppings usually include ground beef, mushrooms, onions, olives, and sausage, in addition to that stringy mozzarella cheese.

Most pizza joints will allow you order pies with any number of toppings, though.  Ranging from ham and pineapple to chicken and tuna, just about anything can be had but, remember that this is a pizza.  It’s a personal thing.

 

Gourmet pizzas are all the rage and can cost upwards of $25 for an 18-inch pie.  Some of their toppings include peas, almonds, duck, and venison.

 

Maybe Mr. Kipling would consider replacing that “good Cigar” with a slice “good Pizza.”