A recent trip to the supermarket, to garner edible supplies,
led me to the snack aisle. When I talk
about the snack aisle, I am referring to the more appropriately titled “potato
chip” aisle. Granted the newly-renamed
potato chip aisle houses more than just potato chips, a la corn chips, cheese curls, popcorn, and pretzels, it now has
more meaning as to where to locate certain foods.
Some food merchants enjoy throwing curve balls at their
patrons filling their “snack” aisles with crackers and rice cakes. Such blasphemy deserves legislation to
prevent these practices from spreading nation-wide and becoming an epidemic.
In days of yore, snacks were never healthy or advertised as
such. If a snack has the word “diet,” or
“lo-cal,” avoid them with vigor.
Snacks, by their very nature, are deadly. Firstly, they taste great to encourage you to
eat more. Secondly, they taste great
because of the fat, grease, salt, and high-carbohydrates, associated therewith.
Do-gooders will direct you to the pretzel area but, don’t be
fooled. It seems as though pretzels have
22 grams of carbs, compared to the 16 grams that potato chips offer. I could rest my case here but, I still have
lots of room and time left.
Those all so healthy rice cakes have 21 grams of carbs so,
there!
Then, you have busy-bodies who will say, “Try the baked
potato chips.”
That’s akin to eating boiled chicken instead of Southern
fried. Not much of a challenge, if you
ask me.
My sainted wife will invariably return home with nacho chips
which, when appropriately adorned, are edible.
Eventually, they make their way onto a baking sheet with sautéed ground
beef, shredded lettuce, salsa, and generous amounts of Velveeta cheese, only to
be pooped into the oven for flavor melding.
Now, they’re edible.
But, the newest fad appears to be those popcorn
“puffs.” These snacks come in different
flavors, such as cheddar cheese and butter.
They are simply puffed corn without the hulls with salt and flavor. By nature, corn has no flavor and merely
serves as a vehicle to introduce those flavors.
As a note of importance, those flavors consist of a special concoction
of chemicals that not only taste terrific but, also wreak havoc with ones
intestinal tract to create copious amounts of methane gas. FYI.
That same warning applies to flavored potato chips and rice
cakes, as well. But, I digress.
The snack aisle is not the magical supermarket area it once
was, and is only getting more bizarre.
Today, its shelves are stocked with potato chips made from processed
potatoes, ground corn formed into horns, and even ersatz onion rings. Each of those are designed for a special
need, such as totally uniform chips sold in cans, a scoop-like trumpet to get
more dip, and a means of generating some of the worst bad breath in North
America.
There are chips with ridges and without, some fried in
“kettles,” and some cut into lattices.
All of these deserve their own accounting for their existence, likely in
future stories.
Now to wash these treats down with a cup of some wholesome
milk that contains only 12 grams of sugar!?!
