Rapidly approaching is Halloween which, in recent years, has
rivaled Christmas for the most decorated holiday. Halloween is one of those “Hallmark” holidays
that was rejuvenated to simply sell more stuff.
Hallmark is the greeting card company that goads men into
buying cards for their best girls – or now even for their best guys – along
with candy for which they will be verbally chastised on Valentine’s Day. Once an obscure holiday, St. Valentine’s Day
was ginned-up to sell cards, candy, flowers, jewelry, lingerie, and stuffed
animals. But I digress.
Halloween used to be a holiday for kids with costumes being
bought or made by parents to truly hide identities of little gremlins. As an aside, I grew up in upstate New York
“Trick or treat,” used to be the magic words that extorted
sugary treats from participating homeowner.
Today, though, too many kids arrive at our door soliciting treats
without as much as uttering a single word.
Most can’t speak English, you see.
These immigrants are often accompanied by street thugs and gang members,
some of whom I’m sure I saw on an episode of “Scared Straight.”
In any case, this October 31st event also holds
meaning for adults who enjoy attending costume parties and handing out candy to
the little ones.
Buying candy has become a cross between an art and
science. Confectioners have resorted to
all sorts of shenanigans when marketing their goods. Rather than selling full-sized candy bars of
yore, they are now hawking miniatures with marketing terms such as “fun size,”
“bite size,” and “new smaller size – microscope included.” They should be using words like “screwing
you” and “new size for the stupid.”
Older widows in our neighborhood often resorted to passing
out homemade popcorn balls and home-produced caramel apples to save money. We were not afraid to eat those treats unless
they owned a cat, which would ensure you could find some cat hair in your prize.
Today, however, we are all frightened to take anything that
isn’t hermetically sealed similar to a bottle of Tylenol. Even hospitals offer free x-ray screening of
these goodies to ensure kids are safe.
Unfortunately, if you have a broken arm, you had better have insurance
to use that machine. But, I digress,
again.
In any case, it’s not all about the candy. Halloween lights, fake tombstones, cobwebs,
skeletons, plastic or real pumpkins, and fog machines, are all available for
purchase to make your house spooky.
Anyone looking for cobwebs is more than welcomed to come by my place to
get the real thing.
But, this year, I can actually say I’ve seen it all. It seems as though some costume company
thought it would be a terrific idea to market a Halloween costume for – drum
roll, please – cats.
By way of background, cats do not particularly enjoy being
dressed in anything. Anything at
all. So, whoever thought it would be
great to create tens of thousands of costumes, package them, market them, ship
them, and expect cat owners to buy them, will likely be searching for a new job
on November 1st.
Smokey the Cat won’t even don a collar much less a Brooks
Brothers suit. I wouldn’t think of
trying to dress him in a turkey outfit to amuse friends and neighbors.
So, this year if you should find a small, ten-pound
trick-or-treater dressed as a grey cat, answering to the name “Smokey,” save
your candy and just give him a beer.
