Resolution Time

While we once again reach another year, many of us turn to self-imposed restrictions called “resolutions.”

These well-meaning efforts can involve a wide array of ‘punishments’ we believe will improve our lives for many years to come.

Resolutions often take the forms of losing weight, quitting smoking, and exercising more.  My personal past year’s resolutions didn’t make it beyond January 3^rd which likely means my resolution should be to pay attention more.

Gyms will soon be filled with well-intentioned resolutioners who will ride the exercycle for about ten-minutes, and the streets will be crowded with short-term joggers for about a week.

Some will give up adult beverages for a couple of days until the next football game when the beer will flow freely, again.

It won’t be long before the resolutions fade from our memories and those high calorie meals return to the dinner tables.

Those treadmills will work as a clothes rack and it won’t be long before we hop back into our SUVs for that short trip to the grocery store or restaurant.

It won’t be a concerted thought that makes us realize those resolutions are not all their cracked up to be but, rather they will be brief times of weakness or moments of socialization that cause us to break our train of thought to being healthier.  You see, ‘healthy and happy’ don’t always belong in the same sentence.

Promising oneself that an extra day of golf is a good resolution doesn’t seem as punitive as cutting out a candy bar, any more than holding to that additional fishing excursion you promised yourself.

A genuine resolution should be for self-improvement.  Maybe those golf and fishing activities aren’t such a bad idea after all.

In any case, pick something to focus upon that will be a positive. 

I already forgot what my New Year resolution was.  Then again, there’s always next year.

Regardless, Happy New Year!

Wise and Unwise Why's

Here’s another list of “why’s” for everyone to ponder along with me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why:

-          Is there no outrage about killing babies but, there people that can’t stand the killing of deer?

-          Do folks think that Social Security is a ‘gift’ from the government when we paid into that fund?

-          Are American gun owners profiled as dangerous while it is illegal to profile Middle-East terrorists?

-          Do we need an Easy Bake Oven for boys?  Won’t the girls’ version work for boys?

-          Is it said that “less is more?”  It’s not.  Just ask poor people.

-          Can parrots talk and chickens can’t?

-          Is unpasteurized milk illegal?

-          Are there so many documentary films against ruining the environment that are made with the benefit of electricity and vinyl tapes?

-          Aren’t people protesting the outrageous baggage fees that airlines charge?

-          Can’t the U.S. Postal Service make a profit?  They are a monopoly, after all.

-          Are so many people unaware that 100 watt light bulbs will very soon be illegal to buy?

-          Are we unable to lick our elbows?

-          All the vampire movies and television shows?

-          Can’t we invent a word that rhymes with ‘silver?’

-          Does nearly everyone in America have a TV show?

-          Is there a shortage of singers?  It seems as though there are too many entertainment shows searching for the next painful screamer to bless the radio airwaves.

-          Don’t many people know what the “fiscal cliff” is?

-          Can’t we punish Lindsey Lohan for thumbing her nose at the law?

-          Aren’t the homeless cleaning and tidying-up their shelters?

-          Are some scientists unaware the Sun, with its solar flares and spots, has an effect on our climate?

-          Aren’t there any people afraid of snakes until you have one in your garage that needs re-homing?

-          Do jerks send viruses to the computers of others?

-          Is smoking cigarettes illegal but, smoking marijuana is legal?

-          Does nearly everyone know how to run my life without knowing me?

-          Aren’t “universal” remote controls “universal?”

-          Can’t people accept gay marriage?  I say, “Let them be as miserable as us heterosexuals!”

-          Do we ‘rotate’ the tires on our vehicles?  Don’t they do that themselves when you drive?

-          Are there no real reality shows?

-          Can’t people find jobs if the economy is so good?

-          Do so many buffet breakfast patrons feel the need to take 57 bacons strips per trip?

-          Is the railroad system always broke?

-          Are the ‘good’ fireworks illegal?

-          Do dog owners think I enjoy picking up after their dogs?  For the record, I don’t.

-          Don’t people know what a trash can is for?  How about a class in garbage receptacles in school?

-          Doesn’t insurance ever cover the cost of damage to anything you have insured?

-          Was the fishing always “great yesterday?”

-          Do weight-loss pills always add the caveat that you can lose weight “with diet and exercise?”  If I dieted and exercised I wouldn’t need the pills!

 

These deliberative thoughts should keep us all busy until next time.  Thanks for reading!

What A Plan!

Not Crusty's Craft

For those readers who are new to this site, there is a real character to which we refer as Crusty who resides here on The Shore.  Crusty is quite unique in that most of his antics wind up causing serious woes for himself and others, mostly because his ideas are half-baked and usually resemble projects emanating from Rube Goldberg.  Yes, this is the same guy who sold his truck for gas money.

While attending a storage company auction, Crusty felt compelled to bid on nine ceiling fans.  Much to everyone’s chagrin, he was successful.  This is where the story begins.

Not really adept at anything except conning people into believing he has real skills, he apparently gave birth to an idea to make lemonade out of those proverbial lemon fans.  This stellar plan was to create a personal helicopter.  What could possibly go wrong?

This particular hare-brained idea was to simply use a few 2X4’s, an old bicycle frame, some other rusty parts, and luck to contrive this contraption into something that would make Igor Sikorsky jealous.

To begin, these are the same ceiling fans that one would find attached to the ceiling of the average kitchen, den, or bedroom.  They are used to keep rooms cool in summer and warm in winter. They are not for lifting people and/or cargo but, since there was no warning printed on the boxes, this plan was fair game.

A few folks in our sleepy little town use mopeds and golf carts and bikes to meander about the area.  It seems as though air travel would make any trip more expeditious by not having to slow for the errant loose dog or feral cat.

Mounting each of eight fans to the lumber – upside down, of course – would provide the lift, in theory.  A couple of corroded nails along with some baling wire would do the trick.  The bicycle would provide a seat and steering capabilities for this Federal Aviation Administration non-approved device.  Steering was pretty artless with the benefit of two ropes attached to the ninth fan secured to the stern of this vessel, much like a propeller on a boat.  Keep in mind that most of Crusty’s boats have similar configurations which are just as amusing.

Now, is where you should be thinking about how he plans to power this contraption that he expects will be the envy of all the towns-people.

Since he clearly thought this all out pretty thoroughly, the obvious answer was to use a gas generator in lieu of a coal-fired furnace to make steam.  Heck, with each fan weighing about 25 pounds, the lumber at a few pounds each, the bike at 15 pounds, Crusty himself weighing in at 230, and a 60 pound generator, those eight lifting fans should have no problem whatsoever allowing this contrivance to soar.

Many, many man-hours of labor and thinking went into this garage project that closely resembled the atomic bomb’s Manhattan Project in secrecy.  Crusty thinks a secret is something you tell one person at a time.  So, news traveled fast.

It wasn’t long before the paint and other finishing touches were applied and those fans, new ropes, and divine guidance could finally be tested.

What seemed as if a true miracle was occurring, after starting the generator, then pulling the chain on each fan, Crusty hobbled onto the bicycle seat wearing a wide grin.  It took just enough time for Crusty to get comfortable before the whirling blades kicked up rushes of wind and sand and leaves and mosquitos, akin to a tornado.

All eyes were glued on Crusty for sign of trepidation; there was none.

After roughly two-minutes, the crowd of three on-lookers dissipated in not unexpected disappointment.

A few days later, remnants of this spectacular storage locker auction coup could be found strewn about Crusty’s backyard.

And, all awaited his next big idea.

 

 

Random Christmas Thoughts

After a recent arduous political season that resulted in another close decision for president, we heard countless wanna-be pundits calling for the elimination of the Electoral College, in favor of a straight majority-rule vote.  In other words, the person with the most votes gets the prize. 

But, in this yule season, we can have one atheist whine about their eyes falling out of their sockets if they see a crèche on public property and everyone caves.  Didn’t folks just demand the majority…

A California apartment building that houses the aged nixed the idea of a Christmas tree in the lobby.  It wasn’t because of a complaint, rather it was because the management didn’t want controversy and hoped to avoid any conflict and protests from people who are anti-fir.

The Charlie Brown Christmas cartoon that began running on TV in 1965, and was seen by 50% of Americans at that time, has now become a threat to the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers.  No, this is not a joke – they apparently have free thinkers in Arkansas.  This group heard about a school’s field trip to view this American staple at a local church and expressed concern in the form of a threatened lawsuit for violation of church/state separation.  Way to go!

Then there are those easily-offended who seem to forget this season is based on the birth of Jesus Christ.  It was turned into holiday that honored this miraculous birth termed “Christmas.”  Although the Jewish faith does not believe Jesus was the Son of God, they too have a religious festival at this same time they term Hanukah.  Although there are variations on the spelling, the gist is this holy time celebrates the Festival of Lights for the unexpectedly blessed amount of time their religious oil lamp burned in the temple.

As a way to better serve America’s religious communities, those civil do-gooders feel there should be no Christmas or Hanukah.  They instead use the secularist phrase “Happy Holidays.”  This seems generic enough to not offend too many with sensitive ears and eyes.  Still, those pesky trees that have symbolized eternal life for the ancient Chinese, Egyptians, and Hebrews can’t carry the name “Christmas Tree.”  “Holiday Tree” is so much more homogenized.  Just what “holiday” those trees represent is a mystery, though.

School children, factory workers, business people, cops, the military and countless other everyday folk, celebrate this magical and holy time of the year.  Sales abound, ads bleed through the media, lights adorn homes, and evergreens cut in August, are found everywhere.

Yet, we allow these few crybabies to dictate what we can say in the form of greetings, and what our kids can watch.  It’s about time we stood up to those ‘free thinkers’ and tell them to mind their own business.

The majority rules.  Merry Christmas!