In an exercise of full disclosure, I look exactly like Tom Selleck, albeit an overweight Tom Selleck. I have also been on a diet for roughly 60-years, and have lost about eight pounds; unfortunately, I gained 11 pounds.
Me. Or Tom Selleck. Not sure
Again today, I discovered that a new weight loss program had blessed the television to hawk “plans” and “systems” toward better health.
You know the ads; photos of people who allegedly partook in these weight loss efforts flash prominently across the screen with images of both before and after. An excited narrator explains how this “new” simple plan will “help” you lose weight – “guaranteed.”
Actors, actresses, geologists, former athletes, housewives, factory workers, and anyone else who can operate a fork, are well represented in this seemingly endless parade of fixes to better health and, subsequently, longer lives.
Those representative pictures include a blurry “Before,” and a crystal clear “After,” snapshot to present verification that this “new” discovery in weight loss actually works.
The blurry picture shows a dowdy, beer-bellied client wearing 1980’s period clothing and a dour expression; the adjacent “after” evidence clearly depicts a smiling, slimmed-down, person who is visibly delighted at their fresh, new size.
Client-after-client appears on the television with customer voice-overs bragging about the amount of weight they lost.
“I’m Jerry and I lost 87-pounds in three months!” declares one guy in a fireman’s uniform.
“My name is deLaShermonda. I’m a housewife and office assistant who lost 112-pounds in only 9-months,” blathers another.
“I’ve been a writer for two-decades and gained 45-pounds, before I tried this fantabulous weight management program. Now I’m the same size I was in high school!!!” claims Norm.
And so the testimonials go. A half-dozen cheerful well-built individuals explaining how they lost dramatic weight, in short order, and kept it off for at least the duration of the commercial.
If you own a magnifying glass to perhaps remove splinters of wood from unlucky fingers, or to thread sewing needles, or even burning ants with light from the Sun, this would be a terrific time to dig it out to read the fine print on your 55” HDTV.
That fine print goes something like this: Results are NOT typical. Do not use these claims as gospel or something that could actually occur – like genuine weight loss.
In other words, you have a better chance of The Vatican calling to name you the next Pope, than losing weight they claim.
Still, with product names such as “Fat-be-Gone,” “Super Slimmer,” and “Chubby Meltaway,” it’s hard to ignore the testimonials and photos.
But here’s the kicker: if all these products are so effective at weight loss, why do they state their elixirs and pills need to be augmented with “diet and exercise”?
It seems to me that if these products are so effective, weight should automatically melt once the bottle cap is removed; and that “diet and exercise” stuff should be discouraged to prevent too much weight loss. Alas, it doesn’t.
One last thing. How, if these products are so new and revolutionary, can they market their once-in-a-lifetime weight cures for only two- or three-months, before the Food and Drug Administration shuts the manufacturers down for false claims?
I’m now facing facts with the realization I’m never going to be able to hide behind a piece of rope. But I also realize I’m not wasting my time with that diet and exercise nonsense. Just saying.
