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| Clever disguise |
This post is a reprint from nearly ten years ago. Every word is true which makes this story especially frightening. Please enjoy until I return from vacation.
The FWC has finally captured the most famous, wily, and well-known escapee in the history of Florida – a fellow named Cornelius.
It seems as though Cornelius escaped from captivity and his shrewd ways have kept him free for four years. Yes, Cornelius has outsmarted the hapless people employed by FWC and now has been remanded to serve his time in a cage.
Cornelius, after all, is a rhesus macaque monkey, and has demonstrated skills eluding those FWC professionals who mostly spend their time doing something mysterious, especially their jobs.
If this sounds a bit harsh, it is because I had an unpleasant encounter with FWC baboons, er, representatives in 2010. On a road trip to Florida via back then, my sainted wife – who has no sense of humor – asked, on desolate Route 121 in Williston in The Sunshine State, if I had seen the monkey. I hadn’t, for if I had seen it I would have mentioned it first.
In any case, she apparently thought this primate was waiting on the side of the road – with no broken down vehicle in the vicinity – merely standing there watching the sparse traffic pass. He didn’t even waved to us.
Upon our arrival at our destination, we mentioned this less-than usual episode and the excitement began. We were told that this monkey, whose name was not known at that time, was on the lam and that FWC personnel were actively seeking information as to his whereabouts. This cunning critter was somehow eluding the highly trained, well-equipped FWC by running and climbing real fast, maybe even employing disguises. On an aside, I find that the eyeglasses, nose, and mustache combination works really well. But, I digress.
At the behest of our Florida friends and family, I contacted the FWC headquarters to dutifully report this long-awaited sighting. Things didn’t go well when the first person with whom I spoke had no clue as to what I was referring, although this story had been in the newspaper and on the radio and TV news, for at least a year.
It wasn’t until the fourth transferred phone call and a final berating by FWC personnel – that I had contacted the wrong region – it became clear the FWC phones were possibly manned by primates in cahoots with their freedom-loving comrade.
Yes. It certainly appeared to be a concerted effort to aid and abet this at-large miscreant.
For those reading this outside of Florida, this calculating monkey, who FWC told me they never heard of, even had a Facebook page, and was urged – no lie – to run for the office of Mayor of Tampa. Locals were feeding him peanuts and cookies and fruit, and helping him hide from FWC folks, who likely couldn’t find water if they fell out of a boat, much less a rhesus macaque monkey. We Virginia folks refer to this as ‘doing your job.’
As of a few days ago, Floridians have been able to rest safely since Cornelius’ capture. I can imagine shades of Bonnie and Clyde’s final ride when hearing about this volume of ineptitude that allowed Cornelius to bite a woman on the back, which caught the attention of FWC. Some Florida hero used a tranquilizer gun to sedate Cornelius, and another person wrestled this unexpectedly large monkey until both tired.
Who published the original ‘be on the look-out’ if they weren’t interested in pursuing this matter is my big question.
But it seems like a bargain paying those FWC phone answerers with peanuts and cookies and fruit.
