Decades ago, a fellow named Ian Fleming created a book and movie character named James Bond.
James Bond was played by a number of different actors, some better than others, but most were campy, which aside from the excitement, was the main draw.
Bond’s character was suave and resourceful and always won over the various villains against whom he fought to summarily save the world.
 |
| Adolfo Celi, aka: Emilio Largo |
Throughout the nearly 60-year series, creative writers helped augment the plots with inventive tools, weapons, accessories, and methods of death. Those methods of death usually centered on Bond being captured and secured to a device certain to deliver a gory, painful demise.
Lasers, a circular saw, explosives, physical crushing, and poison gas, were among the countless methods used in futile attempts to kill hero Bond, all to no avail.
One particular bad guy, Emilio Largo, had a shark-filled pool beneath his plush office. Regularly, inept and disloyal henchmen would be led into the boss’s office.
After a brief monologue about their shortcomings, and poor performance appraisal, a well-hidden trap door would open upon a push of a secret red button.
SWOOSH!!! SPLAAASH!!! Suddenly the henchman would slide down a ramp directly into the pool only to be consumed by an awaiting hungry shark. Case closed.
Although very efficient and effective, Bond was savvy enough to avoid the express trip to the pool, unlike those hapless bad guys.
It was just after my afternoon
nap when I read a news article about another malcontent living in the greatest
country in the world, the
It seems as though a transvestite was taken aback at a department of motor vehicle center (DMV) because there was no way for them to register their desired sex. They became apoplectic because their only choices for sex were “male” and “female.” What was it to do?
You see, I’m not sure if it was a man-to-woman transfer or a woman-to-man conversion. In any case, it was angry because its chosen sex was unavailable to select. Simply peeking into their britches was not an option to make a decision so of course, the logical thing to do was call a local news agency to make people publicly aware.
Being giddy over the idea of a civil
servant disrespecting a member of a minority community – transvestites in this
case, that is – this hard hitting story made many of the news outlets help
other uncertain societal members who cannot remember what sex they were at birth.
Now is when I thought about Bond’s villain, Emilio Largo. This would have been an opportune time to employ a ruse to get the furious transvestite to enter a room adjacent to the DMV desk. With a quick buzz to open the door, an electric lock would permit entry. After a few silent face-to-face seconds with another DMV employee their complaint could be argued.
SWOOSH!!! SPLAAASH!!! And the slide trap door would spring back into place ready for the next big non-issue.
What became a giant social volcanic eruption could be settled in a mere seconds with aplomb. Such a problem solver could theoretically be used for protestors caught with Molotov cocktails, unsuspecting armed burglars accosted by homeowners, and greedy, lying politicians, but I repeat myself, would alleviate court trials and prison overcrowding.
Just imagine how the recidivism rate would drop dramatically, as well.
Of course I’m half-joking, but only half. People who have no genuine problems in life want to make me aware. FYI, I can’t and won’t try to manage your life by enacting stupid legislation to make you happy until your next half-baked meltdown.
But here’s some free advice: Get a life and do the best in life with what you have. Being someone or something else is not going to make your life better. Or mine.
SWOOSH!!! SPLAAASH!!!
