It’s been over ten-years since
EasternShoreFishAndGame.com began, and after all those years we are still proudly
providing weekly stories that are gluten-free.
Which leads me to today’s story.
Halloween is quickly approaching;
we know not because of any calendar, but because Christmas decorations are
springing up in all the major retailers’ stores.
Everything is coming up pumpkin,
too.
You can’t swing a dead cat
without hitting pumpkin beer, pumpkin latte, pumpkin bathroom spray, pumpkin
automobile air fresheners, pumpkin cookies, and even pumpkin pie filling.
Most politicians are lawyers, and
not very good lawyers. That being said,
how competent do you think they are to serve as a governmental representative
for you?
If you’re reading this stoned,
now is not the time to get ahead of me.
Every year for Halloween I buy a
pumpkin out of which I fashion a Jack-o’-Lantern that usually resembles a train
wreck victim, not by choice.
While I possess many skills,
carving wood, soap, stone, or pumpkins, is not one of them.
Pretty regularly I receive
comments from trick-or-treater’s parents shaming me for leaving hideous gourds
out for small, impressionable children to see.
A few others thank me for creating pumpkin parodies; of course, they
were not intended as such. Alas.
In any case, I went to buy my
blank pumpkin canvass for this year’s messterpeice. I carefully studied each of the 271 pumpkins
for the idea size, shape, and weight.
I could envision something
spectacular – along the lines of the statue of David. Unfortunately, I was unable to find a pumpkin
that large.
So it was a scary face with
squinty eyes and large teeth, but nothing several glasses of fermented
beverages couldn’t readjust your eyes to enhance its intended beauty. But I digress.
It was the quest for that prefect
gourd that made me think of those greedy politicians.
More often than not, that hand in
my pocket belongs to a local, state, or federal politician, searching around
for my money to fund their new project that will benefit everyone except me.
The pregnant pumpkin store
cashier asked me if I was going to eat this pumpkin or carve it.
 |
| Example of my Nancy Pelosi masterpeice |
I immediately thought word had
gotten out about my poor knife skills, and perhaps the community-at-large was
attempting to institute a “Save the Pumpkins” program.
No, this nosy cashier needed this
information in order to determine if tax needed to be collected.
After my head stopped spinning
atop my neck, I asked her about this new-to-me overstepping of the government.
I was truly surprised that the
store had to collect sales tax if this innocent produce item was used for anything
other than food; that “anything” included carving.
It seems as though those
thoughtful politicians, who often carp about loopholes in the law, luckily
found a way to summarily plug these 8¢ from skating past the local coffers.
This suddenly makes the
self-checkout line more attractive to me.
But now we know how these slimy
politicians keep getting elected and re-elected to introduce their brilliant
plans to extract more money from their constituents. It must be the gluten.
