As children we are given coloring
books and crayons to express ourselves.
Then, we are told to “stay between the lines.” It seems as though if we color beyond those
boundaries we are somehow bad people.
That thought came to me while in
a bathroom at a Hardee’s restaurant last week.
I had just finished peeing and was washing my hands when I noticed there
was no paper towel dispenser, only a one of those useless blow dryers.
When I was a little kid I recall
trying to dry my hands with one of those dryers, to no avail. I remember reading the metal riveted sign
that instructed the user to “rub hands vigorously,” again, to no avail. I wiped my little wet hands onto my trousers
to reach the desired result.
The Hardee’s blow dryer produced
similar results – none. I left the men’s
room with wet trousers and semi-dry hands.
It wasn’t as much the moist
britches as it was the instructions that began to bother me. After fifty years of wiping my hands on my
pants I realized I was still following the instructions by vigorously rubbing
my hands together.
Suddenly my mind switched gears
to 1964. That was the year the federal
guvment mandated seat belts be installed in all cars.
I have been using seat belts for
over a half-century in cars, airplanes, and on amusement park rides. I would say I have some experience.
Alas, instructions about their
use still abound. Take any commercial
airplane trip and you’ll be forced to watch flying waitresses pose, in the
aisle, with seat belts. They obediently
snap the two pieces together and then remove them, simulating the procedure
you’re supposed to mimic after your emergency landing.
If you think that a nylon strap
across your lap is going to save your life while that metal tube, with wings
filled with fuel in which you are seated, is hurtling toward Earth at a
blistering 535 miles per hour, you’re only fooling yourself.
The search and recovery team will
be sifting through the dust, eventually finding a melted piece of metal,
hoisting it proudly into the air declaring, “Aha! This is a seatbelt buckle, I think.”
Yet we still obediently follow
the instructions. Alas.
Still we use forks and knives on
a daily basis, none of which I remember had a warning label to avoid poking
yourself in the eye, or directing which orifice the utensil-at-hand should be pointed
to avoid injury.
If that is not ridiculous enough,
I recently finished rehabbing a home for us on The Eastern Shore. Every step of the process was followed by a
clever system in Accomack County ,
Virginia
It seems code inspections are a
special tax imposed on anyone attempting to raise themselves out of living in
tents or in caves.
I installed a new bathroom which
demanded a visit from both the electrical and plumbing inspectors. Oddly enough, the electrical inspector must
have had a trunk full of money because he could find nothing that needed
immediate changing.
The plumbing guy, on the other
hand, was mortified at the shower arrangement.
I had the audacity to install a shower head, hot water handle, cold
water handle, and shower diverter. The
diverter is that thingy you operate to make water come out of the shower head
instead of the nozzle into the tub.
Senór Plumbing Inspector was
horrified I actually installed a separate hot and cold water handle so that
bathers could select a water temperature that suited their needs and desires.
WRONG!
It so happens the People’s
Republic of Virginia
As with all the above snippets,
people are deemed too stupid to figure things out. In this story, if the water is too hot, the
showerer is thought to be unable to rationalize a solution such as turning up
the cold water.
We have become a society that
looks down upon its masses with disgust and pity. Personal responsibility, common sense, and basic thought
have escaped Americans. Congratulations.
