Really?

Just when I think I’ve seen and heard it all I find myself corrected.  It is said that if everyone was the same, life would be boring.  It takes all kinds, is another saying.  I’d like to offer one of my own: Get a life and leave me alone.

Way back when, America had three pronouns to identify the two sexes – Mr. was to identify men, Mrs. was used to identify married and previously married women, and Miss to signify an unmarried woman.  And all was well.

Then in the 1980’s some of those liberated, divorced women felt it necessary to display their extreme hate for men by creating a special pronoun for themselves, Ms.

Ms. was devised to stick female fingers in the eyes of non-caring society to identify themselves as divorced.  After all, a divorced woman wants to prove herself empowered enough to run a household, raise a family, and climb social ladders with a gleam in the eye of the beholder.

It wasn’t long before the Mrs. and Ms. of America felt left out.  They felt they were being left behind and demanded they, too, be called Ms.

So we went from three to two identifying pronouns in a few short months, and that is pretty efficient.

It is quite rare when one finds monikers being condensed rather than expanded.  You see, I am aging and have trouble remembering so many different titles and words.

Then, two weeks ago I knew and used pronouns such as he, she, it, and they.  Today, however, I am told to use newly-invented pronouns ne, ve, ze, and xe.  No lie.

Someone with too much time on their idle hands insist we stop being so exclusive and simply changing the language so as to prevent the easily offended from being so easily offended.

Once upon a time, there was an Olympic track star who, as a man, broke a world record in the 1976 Olympics.  He was held up as an American icon and a role model for track and field athletes for decades.  Then, Bruce Jenner decided he was a she.

Much of America cringed; the rest of it applauded his/her decision to alter God’s work.  Soon thereafter, Jenner, with aliases Ms. Caitlin Jenner, and Mr. Bruce Kardashian, began making seemingly endless television appearances about why he wanted to lop off the family jewels.

Frankly, I didn’t really care, anymore than Ms. Kim Kardashian likely did.  In any case, so much of America did for some unknown reason.

Fast forward to today.  If you use stupid pronouns such as ne, ve, ze, and xe, you can summarily disguise the sex of the subject.  I’m not sure why you would want to, though.

You see, the perpetually undecided want to specifically identify themselves as transgender, bisexual, gay, undecided…

Hi!  This is Uncle Paul’s sainted wife.  He asked me to finish up as his hair suddenly caught on fire while in the process of writing this essay.  All this is pretty odd and counter-inclusive.  I say just be what you are, and if you want to be something else, leave us out of it. 

Now I had better get the fire extinguisher and find Uncle Paul.  Thanks.