Paperwork, Please

Once again, a newspaper article caught my attention.  In Salisbury, Maryland, a fellow was arrested for “allegedly” stealing $22 and a pack of Newport cigarettes while beating someone.  Yup.

To protect this “alleged” criminal’s identity, we’ll call him Charles “Chuck” Becker instead of his real name, Ecker.

Mr. Becker allegedly approached an employee behind the Quick Mart in Salisbury, and punched him in the face.  He then allegedly kicked the worker while on the ground.  Becker then stole $22 from the hard working Quick Mart employee.

It seems that the surveillance cameras in the mini-mart were working and caught these alleged deeds on video.

Becker, you see, is a gang member affiliated with the Dead Man Inc [sic] prison gang.

Back in 2010, the Deepwater Horizon oil platform, in the Gulf of Mexico, was discovered to have a leak on the gulf floor.  Oil was spewing out of the ground and polluting the waters causing angst to the nth degree.

Rights organizations were quickly established to sue British Petroleum for the projected losses from the seafood that was allegedly tainted and permanently ruined as a result.

Countless watermen wearing those white rubber boots lined up to put in their claim for the billions of dollars being squeezed out of BP to make these watermen whole.

Unfortunately, in the Gulf of Mexico, much like on The Eastern Shore, the area watermen work under-the-table.  For our New Jersey readers, that means they pay nothing in taxes, insurance, social security, or anything else that would benefit their American bothers and sisters economically.

Herein lays the rub.  Upon reaching the front of the claim line, these cash-only workers were asked for their tax returns from the past three years.  Of course there were none because they never filed taxes, allegedly.

Departing with heads hung low, these scofflaws found themselves in quite a pickle.  You see, these guys who overcharge you for a bushel of crabs, a peck of oysters, and a 100 count of clams, are the same ones who laugh at those who are able to pay for these commodities.

There is nothing alleged about that previous paragraph.  But these guys allegedly skirt the law for decades until it’s time for benefit collection, at which they feign knowledge or personal responsibility.

Back to the alleged Mr. Becker.  I’m not very familiar with Dead Man Inc and its inner mechanics.  The words “prison gang” however, brings to mind an alleged organization offering some activities for the unfortunately incarcerated to wile away their time.

Parcheesi, checkers, card games, making shanks, and River Dancing, are what activities I imagine these inmates are engaged.

Now the hard question.  Does Dead Man Inc have a retirement plan or offer some sort of IRA?  There has to be some gang members that reach retirement age.  After all, Becker is 37-years old, and the day this alleged gang member is no longer able to commit meaningful crimes, allegedly, is rapidly approaching.  I would think that’s a little long in the tooth for a gang member.

Will he need to show tax returns for his alleged criminal years or is that an estimated calculation to collect Social Security?

If you know, please write to me.  Thanks.