Recently while having a drink at
the golf and yacht club, I met a guy who was somewhat under the Seated alone, and being full of tongue
lubricant, he felt it was necessary to engage the first person who made eye
contact in meaningless conversation.
influence.
That would be me. Yea!
This fellow was clearly suffering
from diarrhea of the mouth and proceeded to tell me his whole life history.
When we reached his college
years, he told me about his road trip across some New
England state.
He told me his teeth were cut on
this newly-purchased bike which he later sold to buy another, and he has one he
regularly rides until this day. He LOVES
biking.
After and easy twenty-minutes of
this blather I feigned interest and inserted a question.
“Do you have a Schwinn? My sainted wife got a Schwinn adult tricycle
for Christmas,” was my best offering.
A hard glare from him was added
to his slurred speech before he sharply attempted to retort, “No. Ith a Ha Ha Har ley Davis
I didn’t feel bad because he
failed to say what he meant. He should
have said, “I bought a motorcycle and stupidly bought another until I graduated
to another overpriced one that is noisy, and simply serves as a symbol of sexual
inadequacy for middle-aged guys.”
People do it all the time. They want to fluff their résumés so they use
sentences with titles such as “I’m a bouncer.”
That immediately brings a visual
in to my mind of a giant balloon of a guy being dribbled, basketball-like down
a sidewalk. Of course that’s not what
they mean.
They really mean they were lousy
at high school wrestling and football, they smoked too much weed between
classes, and finally dropped out of school.
In order to find gainful employment they got a menial job abusing
strangers in exchange for looking even stupider than they really are.
And don’t think for a moment that
women are immune from such shenanigans.
While in a public situation, women will buddy-up to allegedly powder
their noses. For the uninformed, that
means they’re going to gab about their dates, in private.
If they are one-on-one with a
guy, they will use the same words about their noses. In this situation, they really mean they’re
going to either pee or launch a poop.
They would be more accurate if they said what they meant.
“I’m going to take a dump. Do you happen to have the sports section with
you? If not, we’ll gab about our
underachiever dates, is far more succinct.
You see, there would be little or
no miscommunication if we all said what we meant. Let’s try it.
