good insurance and he makes payments on his new
sailboat. But, I digress.
He told me to stop losing weight
and start drinking beer!
Well, not actually. Just the opposite is true.
We argued about the dramatic
change in the Earth’s gravitational pull, which was the true cause of my weight
gain. He didn’t think that was the case,
I differed. I pointed out that the
magnetic poles were shifting and likely affected the gravity. I don’t think he bought it.
This morning, though, while
watching the national news, a story was run extolling the virtues of beer.
It seems research scientists have
been holding out on me the fact drinking one beer a day can help fight off
several debilitating illnesses. Having
two a day is even better in fighting off cancer and Alzheimer’s disease. Hard to believe, but true.
So a call to my doctor was
attempted until my sainted wife snatched the phone from my normally gun-clinging
fingers.
“You’re not going to call your
doctor?” was more of an exclamation rather than a question from my sainted
wife.
“Sure I am!” was my retort as a
question more than an exclamation.
This banter continued until
Smokey the cat interceded.
It isn’t often that I am this
right on this many levels. Besides, I
was thirsty.
My logic was based on science
from that beer study, combined with fact most of my acquaintances drink beer in
copious quantities. And, they’re all
pretty healthy. They’re alive, anyway.
During my college days I
conducted my own extensive personal study on beer consumption by attending
countless mixers, associating with fellow drinking collegians, and sampling
every lager known to man.
That extensive research was
inconclusive.
Not to brag but, I was vying for
the U.S. Olympic Beer Drinking Team. Unfortunately,
Foster Brooks beat me out for a position.
But using those news story facts
as a barometer gave me justification to argue with most medical professionals,
including my doctor. After all, I’m
paying him.
He wasn’t impressed with my
debating skills. He did ask me whether
left or right was the starboard side.
I suggested he phone my sainted
wife for an answer since she has them all.
