Some years I traveled in
excess of 84,000 miles. And in not once
instance did a flight crew rush into the passenger compartment begging the
passengers for help flying the plane.
For many years my life involved air travel for both business
and vacations.
Even if they did, I’d have to decline out of sheer ignorance
of knowing how to turn on the radio, much less lower the landing gear. That is one job better left to professionals.
This is where this week’s story begins.
From the Land
of Lincoln Illinois
It was a beautiful Sunday here when the phone rang. My sister-in-law, let’s call her Diane, was
whispering much like an announcer at the Master’s Tournament. I could picture her with her hand over the
phone mouthpiece, wearing gaudy argyle sweater and stupid golf cap.
Barely audible she said, “I wish you were here!’
Wondering if I owed her any money, she finally coughed up
the real information.
“The neighbors are cutting down a tree,” she offered, still
whispering.
In the background I could hear something akin to a garbage
disposal. It was a chainsaw.
“I’m whispering because I don’t want the neighbors to hear
me,” was Diane’s excuse for the hush-hush tone.
I couldn’t understand how the neighbors could hear her when
I was unable to. But, I digress again.
Her play-by-play was thorough and concise. Details such as one of the helpers had a rope
in-hand trying to control the direction of fall of a 9,000 pound tree; he had a
better chance of winning the Powerball.
Again, for our Canadian brethren, 9,000 pounds is almost as large as
actor Alec Baldwin.
The chainsaw master made another incision into the trunk
allowing the tree-in-question to deftly fall into another tree, causing it to becoming
hopelessly wedged.
Over the years both Diane and I had the need for tree
removal and immediately reached out to tree professionals and/or
arborists. The difference is arborists
charge 1/3 more for advice and condolences on the tree they are about to cut
but wish they could save.
In any case, this scenario lasted nearly all day with the
tree coming out as the clear winner.
Immediate neighboring houses apparently had occupants
somewhat edgy, with even Baptists drinking Scotch whisky to calm their nerves.
Diane and I likened this cost-saving exercise to having a
doctor explain to you about your ready-to-burst appendix, announcing the cost
to remove it would be $25,000.
Being super frugal, you decide to do the removal job
yourself. That’s probably not the road
to travel, but less expensive by over $24,000.
By the way, the tree-felling exercise ended with the ersatz
lumberjacks visually checking things out and finally giving up.
This is another job better left to professionals.
