Unfinished News

Although I am a product of a public school system, I enjoy reading and actually retain most of that material.  And until this day I try to read a newspaper daily to keep up on current events.  No, I don’t like watching TV news because I fear those news-readers will catch their plastic heads on fire as they tell pants-on-fire untruths.

Nonetheless, what seems to have dominated the news headlines for weeks and months suddenly disappears with no explanation other than the writers and readers are bored.

Take the Malaysian airplane that vanished.  It seems as though everyone in the Far-East, the West, Europe, and Australia, was on the case, combing the surrounding seas and oceans with everything from aircraft carriers to canoes.  A “ping” from the infamous black box would be detected and the flotilla would move, as giant snake, 5,000 nautical miles to the location of that ping.  Days would pass and the search would again move when another sound was heard, only learned to later be some cell phone ringtone.  It is still missing and every aviation “expert” on the planet has been exposed for their lack of knowledge in guessing.

Then there is the issue of President Barack Hussein Obama’s job program.  He spent billions of taxpayer dollars to get millions of Americans jobs.  He didn’t get those jobs created, although all the naysayers were proven right.  President Obama is much too busy golfing and fundraising and creating Executive Orders to help the gay, lesbian, and transgender community to worry about jobs.  It’s only been six years now so he probably doesn’t want to rush things as he did funding those failed solar energy companies.

I distinctly remember the kidnapping of 265 school girls by a group of cowards named Boko Haram.  The president and his masculine, one-sleeve wife got involved by holding up a sign to “bring our girls” home.  Whose girls and whose home is not clear.  Nonetheless, the show was produced and aired to prove the Obama’s cared.  Where are those girls today?  They don’t seem to be very newsworthy anymore.

Gas prices are up to record levels and there are no Congressional investigations about price gouging, as there were under President George W. Bush.  But, just in case you thought the prices might come down, you’re fooling yourself.  The Senate just mulled over increasing the federal gas tax by 12¢ per gallon.  This added revenue, according to those government pukes, would fund the highway infrastructure to repair those crumbling bridges.

 

If you just awoke from a coma, back in 2007, a bridge in Minnesota collapsed killing 13 people.  When President Obama took office, he claimed to have money earmarked for “shovel-ready jobs.”  That cash figure amounted to $150,000,000,000.00.  It seems they didn’t remember those dangerous bridges when dolling-out those highway funds, and now need mo’ money!
 

This time around, we’ll remember the decaying bridges and forego replacing guardrails and road signs.  Sure.

 

It is stuff like this that makes me drool in my oatmeal, and how these “crises” suddenly vanish when the media is tired of them.  They remain newsworthy and are important.  How about some news closure?

Full of Hot Air

Charity is a word often represented by a heart symbol, and is the third of the Catholic saint trio Hope, Faith, and Charity.

 

But the charity portion I’m discussion today is the group of phony organizations who claim to want to help the downtrodden.

 

Without fail, I hear a radio or television advertisement from some sort of charity begging for money or goods to sell at a profit.  Some even claim worker-members will rehabilitate your donations in an effort to teach participants a skill.

 

For years now, may sainted wife and I refuse to have yard sales; rather we donate goods to these charities.

 

Three-years ago, I wanted to lighten my flotilla by donating an elderly airboat to charity.  For landlubbers, an airboat is a vessel with a giant fan on the back to propel the boat through shallow and weed-filled waters.  I made arrangements for pickup and am still waiting.  I don’t think they’re coming.

 

Our recent home sale found us trying to purge very usable furniture to a charity that will remain anonymous, but whose name rhymes with Salivation Army.  They sent a truck and two lazy guys who announced there was a scratch on one leg, thereby precluding them from taking it because the scratch made it totally undesirable.  A next door neighbor asked me if she could buy it to refinish for her daughter’s bedroom; I helped her carry it to her $1.5 million home.

 

Clothes and shoes are acceptable, but not sheets.  Perhaps used sheets are unsanitary…check with any hotel or motel about that.  The local animal shelter got those.

 

Stuff from a storage locker could not be picked-up by charities for some secret, untold reason.  Our local sheriff’s office brought prisoners and a van to take the books and furniture to a half-way house used by newly-released prisoners.
 

If you want to donate a car, be sure that it is no older than five years.  We decided to donate a car to a charity that invites all types of vehicles for use by needy families.  They laughed when we told them the car was twelve years-old.  We donated it to a local public school for their vocational program.  The vo-tech teacher asked where to send the tow truck to pick it up; we drove it there because it was in really good shape.

 

It’s time for those snooty charities to think about the community and the charity they represent.  Sure, some get junk that is broken or dated but, what about those workers who can learn a skill repairing this stuff?

 

The charities that want new merchandise need to beg for free products from Target, Sears, and JC Penney; they’re not going to get new, free goods from the general populace.  That’s today’s free tip.

Perplexin’

In case you didn’t know, Clayton Lockett died in Oklahoma from a heart attack.  Lockett was not supposed to succumb to a heart attack; rather he should have died from a lethal injection of drugs administered by the state of Oklahoma.  You see, his vein collapsed and so, the lethal drug cocktail failed.  His crime was that he kidnapped, beat and shot a nineteen year-old woman who, was subsequently buried alive.

 

It seems that Lockett had many supporters who continue to champion his right to live.  Unfortunately, those same protesting pukes don’t feel an aborted baby has the same right to live.  Perplexin’.

 

Speaking of rights, we continually hear about a right to housing, an education, speech, liberty, life, gun ownership, welfare, clean air, and health care.  We also hear about the right to happiness and freedom.  This is where you are supposed to insert a right to not wear a seatbelt in your car.  It’s your car, your seatbelt, and your life.  Still, the powers-that-be tell you what you must do in your car – in the name of safety.

 

But, if you ride a motorcycle in many states, you don’t have to wear a helmet for safety.  Perplexin’.

 

Again, folks have so many great ideas to include ways to interpret and improve on The Constitution.  Lately, we’ve heard stories about mentally ill people using guns to kill innocent others, and the guaranteed call for tighter gun control.  Although there are over 22,000 gun-related laws on the books in America, one more law will likely prevent another senseless killing.  The oft heard proposed law is to make all private sales subject to background checks.

 

That idea is really swell, however when it comes to performing background checks on illegal aliens – those people are law breakers – we don't because sleazy politicians don’t want to hurt the feelings of these felons.

 

And while we’re on the subject of hurting feelings of criminals and foreigners, Cinco de Mayo is an annual celebration in Mexico.  It marks the country’s fighting off the French in a bid for independence.  Northern California schools banned the wearing of American flags on Cinco de Mayo by American students.  This was a weak attempt to stifle freedom of speech and a spineless way to avoid any controversy; remember all those rights in paragraph three?

 

American students were banned from wearing clothing depicting the American flag so as not to hurt the national pride of the illegal aliens using our schools, classroom, books, roads, getting welfare, free phones, housing, medical care, and all the rights bestowed on Americans – without paying tax dollars for these benefits.  Perplexin’.

 

Recall a time when people smoked cigarettes at home, the office, school, supermarkets, cars, the beach, on the street, and airplanes.  All was fine until the Surgeon General, C. Everett Coop, felt all smoking should immediately cease.  The press began and smoking cigarettes was demonized to the point of near criminalization.  Taxes on cigarette products was raised to astronomical levels to discourage smoking, and smoking inside one’s home and car were made illegal in many jurisdictions.

 

Good news looms on the horizon, though.  Smoking is back in style and even encouraged but, this time it is marijuana which, until just a few months ago, would garner a person years in jail.  Perplexin’.

 

Finally, we hear, ad nauseum, hapless President Barack Hussein Obama preach about the Affordable Care Act – also known as ObamaCare – which promises to be a total failure to health care.  Opponents to this bill are ardently trying to reverse this mess created by professional bureaucrats to manage and strangle the populace by regulating food, drink, and exercise lifestyles.  We also hear that this bill is law.  Period.  You cannot change the law.  Period.

 

Unless you are those same bureaucrats and are wholeheartedly trying to repeal the Second Amendment to The Constitution, the law is the law.  In the case of the 2^nd Amendment, constitutional lawyer Obama, and Vice President Joe Biden (he’s the one wearing the helmet in case of an oafish fall,) all is fair game.  We repeatedly hear that the Second Amendment needs to be repealed.  Perplexin’.

WTF?

Quiz:  What is the difference between a dietician and nutritionist?

 

Answer:  $45 and hour.

 

I know because my doctor sent me to see both.

 

Although I am a spitting image of Tom Selleck, I am often confused for both of his twins.  In an effort to lose one of me, I was sent to see a dietician,

Dieticians are people who look down on anyone wearing a belt more than 17” long.  They usually parade about in spandex clothing to show off their firm bodies to us who are more on the flabby side of skinny.

 

One of the topics of conversation is the amount of exercise the patient is getting; that would be me.  The definitive response is, ‘how far away is the refrigerator?’

 

They feign pity for you when you tell them you do more than they think but, their days consist of exercising for 9-hours, then having a Saltine cracker for dinner.

 

“More exercise!” was the bottom line.  “You need to get more exercise.”

 

“But I do exercise,” was my retort.  “And I eat ‘lite’ food.”

 

“More exercise, less lite food,” was the best I could get out of this woman.

 

My next stop was a nutritionist.  Nutritionists are people who tell you what to eat to lose that weight in order to accomplish that goal set by the dietician.

 

Is would seen the nutritionist was the funnier of the two as this was a classroom situation consisting of roughly twenty non-slim brethren and their spouses.  The spouses are expected to learn how to prepare the food and help the victim – er – patient to eat more healthily. 

Rubber eggs, plastic steaks, and wooden carrots were used a props being passed around to torment all twenty participants who – according to our growling stomachs – clearly starving.

Empty boxes of bread sticks, lasagna, and cookies helped us learn to read the nutritional labels thereon.

Then the comment and question segment began.

 

“How am I expected to survive on 1300 calories per day?” asked the only guy in the room who could hide behind a piece of rope.

With the benefit of more imitation foods, the nutritionist held up a chunk of meat, peas, lettuce, carrots, and pasta, and asked the question: “Would this fill you up?”

The now-shamed neutered man sat back down, or fell down into his seat from weakness, with downturned eyes.

A large fellow and his wife, who both appeared to have arrived seconds ago from the 1960’s, offered that that would be too much grub for them to eat – and they even share their meals.

A personal observation: those two never missed a meal and their meals likely consisted of a side of beef and a 25 pound bag of potatoes.

Nonetheless, my sainted wife and I diligently followed the orders for the next month-and-a-half.  After six-weeks of strict dieting and exercise, I gained 14 pounds.

 

Thanks for the berating!

Good To Be Cool

While cruising the highways of America, I was listening to my iPod, and a song played that made me smile.  I wondered how cool it would be to put on your resume that you sang back-up for Elvis Presley with the Jordanaires.  The Jordanaires were the four fellows that harmonized so well behind Elvis, and made those tunes sound oh, so good.  All you had to do was say “Do-wah,” a couple of times, with some style, and you got to stand and harmonize with “The King.”  That’s really cool.

 

I’ll be the first person to admit my high school days were not spent counting “A’s” on my report card.  No, I was too busy working part-time jobs to pay attention to those written tools of gossip that didn’t necessarily translate into success in later life.

 

My high school guidance counselor was one person who was truly a waste of good space and air.  She was a lock-step industrialist who felt that anyone growing up in an industrial town should work for the local factory.  End of story.

 

We were directed toward trade schools that taught us how to machine steel and shape bearings to make products that would last.  Other, more promising students were sent to look at engineering schools.  The girls were instructed on how to sew, cook, and clean for their factory-worker husbands.

 

But, I now rue listening to the “adults in the room,” and find myself wishing I had chosen a career more wisely.

 

There are such cool jobs in this world, and I feel as though I was short-changed.

 

Just as we now hear almost solely about military ‘special ops’ people, we never hear about the military folks who repair helicopters, who cook, or wash fighter jets.

 

Americans endure hearing about other jobs that are supposed to be all-important, but are less-than-cool.  Politicians, accountants, people who sew cloth placemats and tablecloths, are all important jobs – equally important as the people who put the brakes on my car.  But, they are not cool jobs.

 

It would also be pretty cool to have the job testing airplane windshields.  Before you question my judgment, keep in mind that the test is performed by shooting fowl from a cannon into a piece of aviation glass to test its hardness.

 

How about a gig driving high-end sports cares such as Ferraris, Lamborghinis, and Aston Martins?  There are folks who do just that, then write about their rides.  Again, pretty cool.

 

Speaking of driving, there are people who test tires made for NASCAR races before they mass produce them for track use.  Driving someone else’s car at nearly 200 MPH, with their gas, has to be a thrill.

 

Microbreweries are all the rage, and someone has to taste those suds.  Imagine going to work to drink beer.  That has to be way up there on the ‘cool list.’

 

Let’s not forget those true heroes that turned a Sunday activity into an entire sport.  I am speaking of the professional bass fishermen, of course.  What was once seen as a way for men to weasel out of summer yard chores is now an activity that can reward the winner with cash prizes of $100,000.

 

There are too many cool jobs to list, but a few include video gamer, pro athlete, TV and movie critic, firearm test firer, fireworks setter-offer, food critic, sleep study attendee, and editor and writer for EasternShoreFishAndGame.com.

 

I hope my guidance counselor is reading this.