Poor Choices

It is said that a Twinkie can last forty-years without going bad.  Keep in mind that gasoline has a shelf-life of thirty-days.  But, this is not the crux of this story.

A quick peek on e-Bay and craigslist will find countless Hostess items for sale – and at a serious premium. 

Hostess is the bankrupt company that made overly sweet sugary snacks such as Twinkies, Ho Ho’s, plus Wonder Bread.

Today, a box of Ho Ho’s are selling for $250, as are Twinkies.  These figures represent a mark-up of over ten times the original price.

Although this may seem to be entrepreneurial, it is what some people call ‘price gouging.’

Price gouging are two words often heard during times of disasters such as earthquakes and hurricanes when plywood and other building materials are the topic of scarcity.  Gasoline, batteries, and bottled water are also subject to scrutiny when the law of ‘supply and demand’ is invoked.

During the Hurricane Sandy debacle a few weeks ago, out-of-staters schlepping generators and other much-needed supplies to the New York and New Jersey areas were summarily arrested for price gouging by charging a ‘fair-market’ price for these desired products.

Upon examination, people who bought houses at bargain prices and later sold them for killer profits were not penalized with incarceration for making “obscene profits,” a term usually associated with oil companies.

Speculative drilling is very expensive and sometimes reaps very little in the way of returns on investments leaving profit margins thin.

The same thing occurs when much-desired concerts roll into town or those sports playoff tickets – including the Super bowl – are in short supply and desired.  Exorbitant ticket prices, often in the thousands of dollars, are paid because that is what we want and the price is still affordable.

Let’s examine the fact that we pay more for drinking water than we do for gasoline.  Talk about crime.  But, taken one step further, we pay big bucks for ice – a concoction made by freezing water that comes from the average kitchen faucet – and can’t find indignation.

Perhaps that is why there is no outrage at the Twinkie gougers.

It seems the free market drives prices based on supply and demand ideas, and that is a good thing.

News feeds of victims carping about the high price of you-fill-in-the-blank dot television broadcasts of disasters, even though those folks had the opportunity to stock up in advance.  Rather, they bought $4 cups of coffee and $35 bottles of wine in lieu of some D-batteries and a case of bottled water.

Maybe the next time we face serious woes of apocalyptic proportions, we’ll be better prepared by not buying stupid stuff like overpriced Twinkies and Ho Ho’s, and purchase sensible things to keep us safe and secure.  Just don’t whine about your choice.

Time's Up?

Mayan Calendar

This is as splendid a time as any to bring you the good news.  Forget about paying your mortgage, keeping up with your credit card bills.  You can kiss that car payment goodbye and toss that Christmas shopping out the window.

Each year I buy a calendar, date book, and an almanac.  This year is going to be different, though.  You see, there will be no civilization to track after December 21, 2012.  This is not something I contrived but, it is the definitive answer to the question of why the Mayan calendar ends on that date.

Numerologists read that date as 12/21/12, or 122112 with the slashes removed.  This is pretty significant stuff, I guess, but I’m not a numerologist. 

It seems as though archeologists have been panning through Mayan civilization artifacts for decades.  They found that the Mayans were an advanced civilization that lived in South America and created calendars over the centuries.  These are not the pin-up calendars with bikini-clad women or super exotic sports cars; rather, they were based upon planet sightings and alignments and literally carved in stone.

Esteemed scientists plotted these calendars for years – much like a high school teacher checking a sophomore’s homework – and realized that these calendars end on 12/21/12.

This news was so disturbing to these researchers that they deemed this date the day of Armageddon.  According to the bearers-of-bad-news, nothing good can come of this cessation of dates etched into limestone.

Some of these experts think the magnetic poles of the Earth will shift, others believe the planet will cease spinning altogether.  My worst case scenario is that Alec Baldwin would make another movie.  But, I digress.

In any case, such changes would result in catastrophic flooding, earthquakes, and even hurl Earthlings into space.  Turning lemons into lemonade, such a cataclysm might actually be beneficial.

Shopping for a special gift for your wife or husband or General Patraeus wouldn’t be necessary.  Returning those unwanted socks with toes, would be non-existent, and that trip to the in-laws’ home for Christmas dinner, reprieved.

All this sounds awfully cynical but, it’s not my call.  The scientists studying that Mayan debris started this.  Just how we are expected to prepare for this devastation remains unclear.

The recent trek of Hurricane Sandy up the east coast demonstrated the frailty of Americans and their ability to handle a category 1 storm. 

Still, if incorrect in their warning about a 12/21/12 calamity, those esteemed scientists are cut from the same cloth as the scientists crying about climate change and the need for actions to stop that alleged problem.  There wasn’t much anyone could do to avoid being affected by Hurricane Sandy and there isn’t much anyone can do about the Earth re-tilting on its axis.

Nonetheless, you should plan according to your beliefs.  I’ll still hang my Christmas lights and buy those special gifts on the outside chance that Mayan calendar maker got another job, died, or tired of stone carving.

Otherwise, check back here on December 24^th for a new story.

Complaint Department

Good news abounds.  It seems as though the economy is actually so good that merchants don’t care to keep loyal customers coming back.

Sears is one of those select chain stores that feel they are doing so well they can push people away.  Some years ago, I bought a leaf blower at Sears and it needed repair.  I insisted it was under warranty but, it was not – by three weeks; I know because the sales clerk looked it up on his computer and told me so.  Not long ago, I visited that same Sears store hoping to buy a new head for my gas string trimmer.  The sales clerk asked me for the product number which I did not know.  He refused to talk to me because I didn’t have “that pesky eight-digit number.”  I contest he could’ve looked it up but, he didn’t have time.  They lost another customer but, who cares?

The Home Depot clearly hires personnel from Sears because their store personnel aren’t much better at customer interaction.  This big box store hires people who shouldn’t be anywhere near customers – whether they are taking their medications or not – because they are not only hapless, they are combative.  With no clue as to how customers are supposed to be treated, these dolts in orange aprons think they are doing me the big favor.  They are wrong.

Lowe’s, The Home Depot’s largest competitor, isn’t much better.  Their clerks like to think they do not have to help you when you need assistance finding something.  A recent 20-minute wait to ask a simple question went unaddressed, with me leaving over $5000 in materials behind in carts and on dollies.  The store “manager” was unapologetic, and is now stuck with a fairly large lost sale.  And, another lost customer can be notched on their wooden rulers.

Tractor Supply Company likely wrote the employee manuals for Lowes’, The Home Depot, and Sears.  I ordered a flashlight and patiently awaited its arrival.  After the two-week waiting period, I visited the store to which it was being sent, to no avail.  No one knew what I was talking about.  Amen.  I haven’t been back since.

Banks are not exempt from being indifferent to its customers.  Bank of America is a fine example of a business that thinks people are stupid.  I called to ask a question but, no one was available to answer the phone so, I left a detailed message and requested a call back.  Four years later, I don’t believe that call is coming – it doesn’t matter, though, since I am no longer a customer.  When asked why we were removing our cash from their bank, I explained the un-returned phone call.  The representative explained that bank personnel were too busy helping in-lobby customers, although we had to wait for the rep to get off the phone.

Then there is Cheaper Than Dirt.  This company, much like others that advertise, needs customers to exist.  Here’s your freebie from www.easternshorefishandgame.com: if you can’t keep merchandise on hand, you don’t advertise to sell more.  Cheaper Than Dirt regularly sends out a flyer advertising their goods.  I selected two items and ordered them.  They never arrived.  A call to Cheaper Than Dirt HQ suggested the idea that phone personnel were sleeping with the boss as that would be the only reason they had jobs.  Several attempts to rectify this mess by me went unaddressed until months later when someone’s secretary felt compelled to call me about my service experience.  She got an earful and apologized to me for ten-minutes until I told her that Cheaper Than Dirt had their chance and blew it.  I further detailed how my gun club would be notified of my horror story, too.  Unfortunately, it was too little, too late, for me.

The bottom line in all this is businesses exist to sell products and provide services to the unwashed masses.  If they want to continue doing so, they need to treat me and others with respect and as though my money is as green as everyone else’s.  They also need to realize that if they don’t cater to me, I can go elsewhere and often do.  They need me more than I need them.

iDon'tGivea...

Garden of Eden logo

Yesterday was supposed to be the special day of the year.  It seems that Apple released a new product the size of a postage stamp called the iPad mini.  With all the hoopla, I was curious to see what this spectacular gadget was all about.

I am not a virgin to Apple and its wide variety of devices that include iMac, iPod, iPhone and iPad.  I actually have an iPod that I use for toting a small portion of my vast music collection around with me while lawn mowing, exercising, and generally loafing.  It is a splendid idea that summarily replaced Sony’s Walkman that was all the rage in the 1980’s.

My iPod is the size of a pack of gum and holds several days’ worth of songs, photos, personal memos, along with the ability to record video.  This is really neat, to me.  But, in the past few years, it has become obsolete because this does not access the internet.

Enter the iPhone.  The iPhone was introduced a couple of years ago as the be-all-end-all in communications.  You can access your e-mail, add apps, store and play music, and even make phone calls on this apparatus.  No need for an iPod that doesn’t make calls or access the ‘net.

Just when this compact machine became all the rage, Apple introduced the iPad.  When new, the iPad was touted as a small, portable computer that could do everything except make phone calls.  The big draw to this was supposed be the compactness of a computer that had a larger screen needed for the internet.  I call this a step backward, unlike Apple that calls this a giant step forward.

Nonetheless, this new iPad mini is alleged to be greater than the six-month old antique iPad because it has a – tada: Smaller screen!  Huh?  But, but, but…

Throughout the years, several versions of the iPhone have been introduced in versions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and now 16.  My iPod is generation 5 and, it may be up to generation 27 by now – I’m not sure.  If you’re keeping track, the iPad is up to version 33 or 34.

Apple’s iMac may be up to generation 7,322 but, no one cares because it is of no value as it has a screen that is too large, is not compact enough, has a real keyboard, doesn’t have a video camera, and no phone.

There you have it.  You really don’t need an iMac if you leave the house, but need an iPhone unless you want a larger screen.  If you need to make phone calls, don’t buy an iPad, iPod, or iMac, but buy an iPhone.  But then, should you require the ability to send e-mails and access the internet, avoid the iPod.  Unless you need a tablet, in which case you will want to buy an iPad.  However, if you need a smaller screen, get the new iPad mini.

Personally, I think I’ll simply wait three months until Apple releases a wrist watch that does everything and dispenses ice cubes and filtered water.  And, tells time.  Let’s call it the ‘iGotitall.’