It’s an annual event that has gone from exciting to
problematic – getting new phone books.
For those readers that don’t know what a vinyl record is, you may not
know what a phone book is, either.
Phone books inelegantly arrived on our doorsteps in two
different versions, white pages and yellow pages. Somehow, phone book fairies made their way
through thick and thin to diligently get them to their new homes so that we
could, er, call people.
In the movie, The Jerk,
Steve Martin played a dim-witted farm boy who “finally made it,” because his
name was now in the phone book. I would
check the new arrival to ensure my name was spelled correctly and the numbers
were not transcribed. But, why would
most people need a phone book?
When phone booths dotted the landscape – well before the
advent of cell phones – phone books adorned these booths and provided important
information needed to contact whomever you needed and could not remember, or
knew, the number. Phone booths were
devices that were invented to provide stunt-minded teenagers a place into which
to cram themselves, and afford a canvass for graffiti vandals.
Generally, people we call are friends or family whose
numbers are familiar to us. Should we need a number we can now simply turn toward the internet. Friend and family numbers
are usually written down in a personal book, or on pieces of paper that litter
the refrigerator being suspended by magnets.
Thank goodness fridges are made of metal rather than cardboard or my
kitchen floor would be covered like snow.
But, I digress.
The white pages contain personal numbers, numbers of
government entities, and telephone information such as area codes and
rates. Yellow page books consist of
businesses and now contain coupons for select vendors to gauge if people
actually use the yellow pages to find businesses.
Its format is pretty simple.
Names are listed alphabetically, directory style, with the last name
first. Businesses are listed normally
with the entire name of the business written out, and is further broken down
into categories, for your convenience.
It is no coincidence that the yellow pages traditionally have ‘AAAAA
Towing’ as its first listing.
However, if you should want to find pizza establishments,
you’ll be directed to search under ‘restaurants.’ If you need a new truck window you could
check under ‘glass.’ You would then be
directed to look under ‘auto parts.’
Once in ‘auto parts,’ you’ll be directed to look under ‘glass.’
Hunting for information in the yellow pages can be arduous,
at best. Unfortunately, only businesses
that pay extra money to be listed are contained therein. So, if you know the name of the business,
simply look in the white pages book.
With the dawning of every living creature walking about with
a cellular phone apparently glued to their ear – yes, Smokey the cat has one,
too – fewer numbers appear in phone books.
It seems as though the listed phones are only land-line or hard-wired
phones, which are quickly becoming obsolete.
This is where we need to store these reference books of
remarkably thin pages of paper listing literally tens-of-thousands of name and
number mentions, some with addresses.
These publications are quite impressive fetes to produce accurately.
But, just try to get rid of these paperback monstrosities
and you will begin to despise them. Most
recycling centers refuse to take them, trash companies specifically mention not
to place them in the trash, so the only recourse is to toss them into your
neighbor’s yard. I enjoy wrapping them
in Christmas gift wrap – complete with ribbon and bows - and leaving them at
the mall; thieves will eventually assist with my problem of disposal.
I can’t remember the last time I thumbed through the pages
of a phone book as I now heavily rely on the internet for finding names and
numbers. And yes, my cell phone
directory is chock full of names and numbers important to me.
So, if see an elegantly wrapped apparently orphaned gift on
a bench at the mall, consider it yours.
It’s from me.
