When I learned to drive, I was instructed to sit
erectly, adjust the seat, insure the mirrors were clearly visible, and avoid
distractions. Hands at ten and two, eyes
forward.
Driving a vehicle is serious business and dangerous under
the best of circumstances with wildlife and children dashing into the roadway
presenting constant challenges to seasoned drivers. Add to that mix people who think they are
expert drivers and perform such tasks as eating, drinking, shaving, applying
makeup, texting, talking on the phone, tending to their children, and reading.
Cars weaving to and fro give the hint to stay back as the
weaving driver is usually conducting some sort of behavior that is inimical to maneuvering
a 3000 pound hunk of steel and not killing or injuring someone.
It could be what the next generation of drivers learned when
they were younger. By that, I mean those
times they were given trophies for losing, ‘A’s’ for miscalculating math
problems, or atta-boys for doing nothing constructive. In other words, they were told they could do anything and not be able to actually accomplish much.
Some elderly drivers present problems that can be described
as oblivious. You know the types. They wear goofy hats, pull into the passing
lane, then slow down to ten-miles per hour under the speed limit. That can be both annoying and dangerous and,
in Virginia, illegal, akin to texting or yakking on a cell phone.
Freebie: Here’s a free tip from www.EasternShoreFishAndGame.com. If you spot a vehicle adorned
with a Canadian license plate, get ahead of them as quickly as possible because
the driver doesn’t have a clue. Period.
People can also be seen leaning across the front seat as if
the seat itself was broken, or the vehicle’s operator is suffering from a
serious back injury. Sometimes a cell
phone can be seen protruding from a wooly mitt-like hand nearly covering their
head, giving pause to the bigfoot theory.
But this cornucopia of poor driving skills does not end here. We must further break this blended mess of
un-abled drivers by societal considerations.
A few years back, a trend that was once popular waned, but is now making
a miraculous comeback.
Urbanites can once again be seen operating vehicles from a
variety of questionable positions. This
phase was popular in the ‘90’s and caught on as a community statement. It seems as though young exuberant drivers
were seated so low in their seats they were nearly invisible to other drivers. The reason for this was to avert a real or
perceived threat from other equally young exuberant drivers who often turned to
“drive-by” shootings. By sitting lower
in their seats, their targets were more difficult at which to aim. Or so that was the theory.
This style of driving posture was popularized in many music
videos and movies, and copied by the weak minded and easily influenced. Not especially safe because a clear view of
anything and quick reactions to road hazards become impossible. But, they look the part.
This is my summer, though.
I am starting a trend which I’m certain everyone will be imitating
before school restarts in the fall. My
new trend is to actually lie down on the floor of the vehicle, hold up a mirror
to see over the dashboard with one hand, operate the pedals with the other
hand, and steer with my feet.
I’ll be the coolest guy on the road that nobody will see.
