Because my work took me all across the country for years, I
spent a lot of time in airports. Since
retirement, though, shopping now consumes a great deal of my time hunting for
bargains both of food and outdoor equipment, and the occasional Holy Grail of
stuff I didn’t know I couldn’t live without.
But, I recently found some spare time on my calloused hands and decided
to venture off to the horse racing track.
You likely have seen those unsolicited e-mails that feature
“Walmartians.” They feature people
bedecked with questionable haberdashery, frolicking about in Walmarts – hence,
the name – possibly shopping for a mirror.
Those folks are merely a sample of the population that add entertainment
to the shopping adventure, and where this story begins.
Times were when one travelled, one dressed in decent
clothing. Granted those times have
changed because of the unhireable being hired by the Transportation Security
Administration. It seems as though
people must now disrobe – or at least remove their shoes – to ensure a safe
trip from one airport to another. Such inconveniences dictate travelers wear
loafers, flip-flops, or some other sensible, easily removed shoe when having
their footwear scanned for nuclear devices.
But, I digress.
Casual shoes dictate casual dress as one doesn’t usually
wear a three-piece suit and sandals.
However, shopping is another story altogether. People have always worn clothes unsuitable
for a funeral when at the mall, or we used to call them – shoparamas – strip
malls that were precursors to malls.
Once again, I digress.
I have actually seen people closely resembling photos of the
e-mailed Walmartians not only while shopping but, also while awaiting flights
at airports and at the horse track.
Granted, I’m not fresh off the pages of an Esquire magazine but, I try
not to look as though I just finished collecting garbage or digging graves.
Prancing about in a long-sleeved flannel shirt on a 90
degree day, torn pantyhose that would indicate a struggle with a bobcat, and donning
black calf-high socks with sandals are all mild examples of questionable
choices for public purview. However, wearing
clothes that at least cover essential parts of the body are almost a must – at
least for some.
People at the horse track were additionally challenged most
likely because of the $2 draft beer special.
It’s too bad that only made some of them poorly dressed bettors that
were obnoxious, too.
A few years back, I stumbled across a woman – a decidedly
large woman – reaching across a refrigerated counter in a Walmart for a package
of hot dogs. She stood out because she
was wearing a too-small shirt that rose as she leaned. All would have been a fashion faux pas except
that the raised shirt revealed a two-foot wide tattoo – otherwise known as a
“tramp stamp” – that spelled “DELICIOUS,” in Old English font. I was stunned and lost my vision for nearly a
minute while I was in a state of shock.
‘People watching’ has become a favorite pastime for me as it
is both fun and inexpensive at the same time.
And, frankly I don’t care if you personally engage in some of these
dubious fashion shows. Just remember
that people are watching, and dressing like a second-hand store refugee doesn’t
help your cause.
