Bees are something with which I have great problems. Before you fire up your e-mail to send nasty messages to me about the benefit of pollination of flowers and veggies, the bees to which I am referring are geography and spelling bees.
Geography bees ask school kids where such inane places such as Paris and Miami are located.
Spelling bees are similar in that equally brainy kids are asked to spell common words as syzygy.
While in sixth grade – sixth grade was the best three years I spent in parochial school – I was asked to participate in an elimination to weed out the weak spellers in my class in order to send the finest speller to the state spelling bee.
The class was divided into two random groups and we were given words to spell for the nuns. All went well for until I was given the word “sope.” Evidently, it is more commonly spelled s-o-a-p. Needless to say, my best efforts led to an early defeat. But, for Wendy, it was a resounding win and the class rallied around her if only to claim we knew the best speller in New York State.
Unfortunately for Wendy, she was eliminated in round three by misspelling the word “phlegm.” What better way to prove to the rest of the world that you cannot spell than to fail in front of countless parents and teachers who have coached you to spell through rote, doing written and oral exercises ad nauseum.
This disappointment brought reality into focus for the rest of the sixth grade and served as a true wake-up call. Back then, we didn’t have computers that checked our homework assignments; we had our parents who often spelled poorly as we did. Hence, our lives of being unable to effectively convey the written word became generational.
In any case, I needed to be able to share written works with my employer and fellow employees which dictated my requirement to spell better. Playing Scrabble helped me both spell and win at Scrabble. I also acquired an affinity for crossword puzzles. Over time, my spelling abilities marginally improved but, if it wasn't for word processor spell chick, I’d still be lost. Yeah, I know it’s supposed to be ‘spell check.’ Still that’s the way that software works; it corrects the word to a ‘best guess,’ not necessarily the ‘correct guess.’ All that is water under the bridge for most kids today.
Now if they knew that Paris was in Texas and Miami was in Ohio for those geography bees, we’d have a smarter generation.
