Virginia is for Losers

  

I’m always ready for a good laugh.  A fellow with whom I used to work, Mike, had a virtual quiver full of them.  It was a pleasure to run across Mike and hear a joke to make me chuckle.

 

Alas, upon my retirement, Mike and I went different ways and the jokes stopped.  Almost.

 

While reading a recent copy of the USA Today, a humorous rag in and of itself, I ran across yet another story in the Land of Northam.

 

The Land of Northam is a place sandwiched between the People’s Republic of Maryland and North Carolina.  More readily recognizable as the Commonwealth of Virginia, the Land of Northam should be the new name in honor of another pandering Democratic clown.

 

Guvnor Ralph Northam, leader of Virginia – not unlike that of a third world banana republic – is forever on the search for ways to lie and pander.  He lies to the general populace who pay their taxes and hence, their bills; he also panders to the malcontents who pay nothing but know where the government teat is.

 

This is where we begin our weekly trip through the proverbial looking glass.  Not unlike Alice in Wonderland, Guvnor Northam is making things in a perfectly fine state go from good to bad, rather than bad to good.

 

Evidence abounds in this East Coast land of over 8,000,000 voters that Guvnor Northam is contorting facts into falsehoods to further his own distorted objectives.  I personally believe it is to pave his way to a presidential run in the near future.  But I digress.

 

A few recent past stories delved into Northam’s shenanigans over his wearing blackface, and his desire to disarm legal firearm owners.  The result of these successful campaigns only paved the way for more of the same overreaching to distort the line of sanity.

 

The entitlement crowd reached his ear and helped him draw a line to connect-the-dots of safety-for-all.  Unfortunately his mental weakness found lines drawing a picture of safety-for-none.

 

Virginia House Bill 5058 may not seem important to anyone living outside the Old Dominion.  But those people would be wrong, too.

 

HB 5058 is a bill entitled “Marijuana and certain traffic offenses; issuing citations, etc."

At first blush it would appear to be a good thing.  Without reading the bill itself, addressing certain traffic stops might behoove society-at-large.

 

Once again, one would be wrong.

 

HB 5058 is another Northam Brain Trust idea that made its sordid way through the system in an effort to stifle safety for votes.

 

Yeah, the title “Marijuana and certain traffic offenses; issuing citations, etc," would make you think this is just another example of inane action from a state senate trying to appear to earn its money.  But you would be wrong, again.

 

This bill is designed to prevent police – read that again – from stopping vehicles not using headlights after dark.  It also addresses other issues regarding stopping vehicles for multiple equipment violations to include illegal tint, non-working taillights, expired registration, and non-working exhaust.

 

Neatly packed therein is a provision for exemption from stopping pedestrians from jaywalking and walking into hard-to-see highway situations.  If I had an emoji key I would insert a thumbs-up one here as an example of sarcasm.

 

After some contemplative thought, I can only logically reason the purpose of this rollback of safety measures is to pander to those in society who cannot follow rules and laws.

 

Not stopping cars with serious equipment violation would not make our highways safer; rather these bone-headed measures would imperil everyone else on our roads.  Don’t believe me?

 

I lived in the Old Dominion since the mid-‘70’s.  Back then – and I mean 1970’s, not 1870’s – vehicle inspections were a semi-annual annoyance whose primary roll served as a revenue generator.

 

After decades of lobbying and common sense, those inspections were generously modified to once-per-year at a benefit for less-than-affluent drivers.  Cries of woe circulated about the airwaves and media in a Chicken Little fashion.  Predictions of death traps plying the public roadways would take countless lives, alas, never materialized.

 

Fast-forward to today.  Those measures to keep Virginia extra safe suddenly vanished.  And now Guvnor Northam wants to repeal these all-important safety measures because they directly affect a specialized segment of Virginia that refuses to assimilate because of some misperceived slight.  You know who they are.  Wink, wink.

 

Instead of growing a spine for law-abiding citizens Guvnor Ralph Northam is fertilizing a more lawless society in which the dregs win once again.  And while this could be a joke worthy of my buddy Mike, it is not a joke and not funny.

 

Thanks, Guvnor.

Not a Step

 

Yesterday I was prepping for my semi-annual task to clean the gutters.  Out came the trash bag to line the garbage can, my gutter scoop which neatly fits inside the trough and removes debris very efficiently, my gloves, and the folding ladder.

 

I dutifully dragged all this stuff to my starting point – the rear of the house.  It was a pleasant day with temps in the low 70’s, and humidity at a comfortable 54%.  This was a better fishing day than gutter cleaning day anyway you looked at it.  But I digress.

 

Stripers would be moving down the coast following the warmer water for their annual spawn.  Examples in the 48-inch range, weighing upwards of 35 pounds could be expected from the surf.  However I was cleaning gutters.  But I digress, again.

 

With all the tools at the ready, and my sainted wife at hand prepared to give me pointers about how to better do a job she’s never actually performed herself, I was geared up to begin the task.

 

Upon grabbing the ladder – it is a newer folding aluminum type that weighs nearly as much as a Buick, almost as much as me – I couldn’t help but notice the copious labels peppered about the legs, rungs, and that step on top that actually isn’t a step but people step on all the time.

 

I’m sure that’s what all those people in the emergency rooms nationwide are thinking waiting to see a doctor and x-ray technician.

 

In any case, those labels caught my attention this time; I’ve been using this ladder since my sainted wife bought it for me some ten years ago in an attempt to transform herself into an instant widow.  But that is another story for another time.

 

A possible replacement for 
capital punishment use

I began reading these labels written in LARGE RED letters.  I suppose that meant this label was important, but no more important than the other 17 permanently afixed labels.

 

Of course most of these warnings neatly fit into the category of “common sense.”  Then you must remember who is buying and using these ladders.

 

Warnings such as not propping the metal ladder against electrical power lines, using it on a trampoline, not having more than one idiot on the ladder at one time, and not to step on that top step that’s not a step.

 

Then, my mind began drifting to real-life situations.

 

My mind stopped on Dr. Anthony Fauci, an American physician and immunologist.  You may have heard of him as the guy who the United States relied upon to cure some little-known flu, COVID-19, now a pandemic.

 

In the early stages of this terrible flu, Dr. Fauci insisted we, as a populace, follow specific rules and regulations as directed by knowledgeable doctors, himself included.

 

He claimed we could avoid getting COVID-19 if we washed our hands for 20-seconds.  He insisted masks were not going to help, as did the United States Surgeon General.

 

It was about two-months later that revealed Dr. Fauci recanted and insisted we wear masks to stop the spread of this invisible terror.  And we did.  And we distanced ourselves six-feet from one another to avoid spreading the COVID.

 

But that didn’t help, either.  We were amid a presidential election during this time, and President Donald Trump’s challenger, Joseph Biden, proudly announced how he would end this disease once and for all.

 

Biden verbally poked President Trump by insisting The President killed 220,000 Americans.  Of course he didn’t.  But the mainstream media pretended they were deaf and said and did nothing to refute Biden.

 

Biden’s recipe for a cure was to make everyone wear a mask.  He said that if elected, he would mandate that mask wearing, and with sleight of hand, he insisted he could keep it under control.

 

For the record, Smokey the Cat thought that was a stupid statement even for Biden.  Still, the populace loved it and turned out in record numbers to vote for him (wink, wink).

 

The sad part is that after national lockdowns, month-long quarantines, and social distancing for roughly eleven months, record numbers of COVID contractions are being reported.

 

This is, in fact, an ideal situation for America and hopelessly stupid Americans.

 

If Joseph Robinette Biden winds-up being elected our 46^th President, he will have a golden opportunity to test his mask-wearing theory on Americans from coast-to-coast.

 

As an aside, while I was at a Tallmart the other day, I noticed countless zombies with their obligatory masks strategically placed under their chins, and beneath their noses.  I suppose they believe air does not enter and escape from their nostrils.  Alas.

 

In any case, comparing my gutter cleaning episode to Dr. Fauci’s and Joe Biden’s mask fiats, I got the job done by using common sense and taking a chance by standing on the top ladder step that was not designed to be stepped on.

 

Life is not risk-free. 

 

I’m still alive after months of political bullying.  And so are you.  Think about that.

Rosie Ruiz winning the Boston Marathon - almost

 Today we’re beginning with a trip in the Wavelength Acceleration Bidirectional Asynchronous Controller, also known as the WABAC Machine, pronounced ‘wayback.’

 

The WABAC has taken countless people throughout trips in cartoon history, mainly in the Mr. Peabody toons which looked at Improbable History via this time travel device.

 

It is the spring of 1980, Boston, Massachusetts, and the annual Boston Marathon has just ended.

 

A 26-year old woman, Rosie Ruiz, a Cuban immigrant, finished first in the women’s division in near-record time.  This incredible feat left the throngs of marathon fans and participants awestruck.  Having a relative unknown finish that well in such a major race spoke volumes.

 

She was quickly ushered to the presenter’s podium for placement of the traditional laurel wreath upon her head when it was noticed Ruiz was not even sweating.  Although physically appearing weak, her hair was still well-coiffed, and her complexion was not strained red from the 26-mile run.

 

One can only imagine the diversity-identity crowds cheering for the winning woman, the Latina, or the Cuban transplant – you fill-in-the-blank.

 

News organizations were agog and her photo was splashed across major newspapers and magazines, alike.  She was our new hero, uh, heroine.  Yeah!

 

Unfortunately, some busy-bodies stuck their nosy noses where they didn’t belong.  Witnesses came forward to identify Ruiz as a subway rider during the Marathon.  It seems as though she climbed aboard the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA) wearing her running clothes and sporting her registration number pinned thereon.

 

She explained to her fellow passengers that she sprained her ankle during the early part of the race and had quit.

 

But quit she did not.  Rather, she disembarked the subway a few blocks away from the finish line, only to join the runners approaching the end.  Her timing was impeccable as she slipped into the dwindled pack of remaining athletes to luckily finish first.

 

Following an inquiry, Ruiz admitted to her abbreviated run, cut from 26-miles to roughly one.  An in-depth inquisition revealed Ruiz was a participant in a similar scam during the New York City Marathon, too.  Her legal troubles continued throughout her life with theft and narcotics arrests which only cemented her life of woe.

 

Rosie Ruiz came to mind when I picked up this morning’s newspaper.  Its headline proudly announced that Joe Biden had won the general election against incumbent President Donald Trump.

 

This was baffling to me as all the states had yet to complete their tallying of the voting ballots.  It seems there are allegations of cheating by counting incomplete ballots, late ballots, and non-postmarked ballots.

 

Gloating throngs have been gathering in the streets of New York City, Philthydelphia, Atlanta, and Detroit, cheering the presumed loss of the election by President Trump.

 

Shenanigans abounded back in 1980 as in 2020.  Although not as critical as the presidential contest, the Boston Marathon is an important component in tradition and history of American competitiveness.

 

 The Presidential election is much more important to the mechanics of a free nation than a sporting event; it is the pavement on which a nation moves smoothly from day-to-day.  And any disruption, either accidental or intentional, significantly disturbs that trip through history.

 

Let’s wait until the final count is in before Rosie Ruiz, uh, Joe Biden is called for taking the subway to the finish line.

 

Free Advice

 

Election Day is November 3^rd, 2020.  Many, many pundits have been seemingly endlessly telling you for whom you should vote.  I will not do that.

 

But today I’m suggesting you NOT vote for Joseph Robinette Biden and his running mate Kamala Harris.

 

If you are still undecided, your vote should be taken away.  I’m just saying.