Silent “T,” Please

It’s amusing when people attempt to appear smarter than they really are.  For some unknown reason, people attempt to use really, really big words in normal, daily conversations with awkward results.

 

Others, though, use “regular” words with disastrous results, too.  A recently aired TV ad selling dry-eye moistener of some sort depicted a real doctor speaking in a soft monotone.  This doctor uses the word “often,” and uses it by pronouncing the letter “t.”

 

We all have our little quirks that make us shiver with pain by others who scratch their fingernails on blackboards, or wildly scream the last few bars of The National Anthem, or those who mix stripes and plaids.  My personal little quirk is listening to those who missed some English classes and try to inject the silent “t” into the word “often.”

 

No, I’m not a language cop but, just as people sporting ‘difficult’ names such as D’Lashondia or Arphontius get angry when others mispronounce their monikers, I also have trouble with people not attending school, for which I subsidized, and then making me suffer for their poor study habits.

 

I once corrected someone who used ‘often’ often.  It wasn’t long before my ears reached kindling temperature when I blurted out, “The “t” in “often” is silent.”

 

“No it ain’t!” was the Eastern Shore retort from the Easter Shor-on.

 

Recognizing I had met my match, I fielded the question, “How do you pronounce the letters S-A-L-M-O-N?”

 

A sense of bewilderment overcame this potential Mensa member who kept glancing at me for a clue.

 

“Salmon,” I offered.

 

His response was equally annoying by pronouncing the letter “l.”

 

“You was tryin’ to fool me, right?” he shot back.

 

“That’s it!  You must have been the valedictorian of your class!” I said in an effort to quell the somewhat volatile situation that was rapidly unfolding.

 

“No!” he shouted.  I eat meat.  I ain’t no ‘valedictorian’!” ended the conversation.

 

But, to those readers who pronounce the “t” in often, I ask how do you pronounce other words that have ‘silent’ letters?

 

Castle, whistle, knight, honest, and salmon, of course, are just a few that quickly come to mind.

 

I’m certain you’ll find your own and recall this story about both English faux pas and Eastern Shor-ons.

By the way, a ‘Shor-on’ is someone who brings the best of Shore life along with their inner moron.

Lottery Mania

As of this writing, two major American lotteries await a winner.  One, Mega Millions, has a jackpot of $190,000,000.  If you think that is pretty substantial, check out the Powerball game.

 

Powerball’s jackpot currently sits at $550,000,000, still shy of the game’s record jackpot reached in 2012.

 

Even my sainted wife would have trouble spending that kind of money.  Maybe.  Nonetheless, she’d give it a try.  If she winds up with too much surplus, I guess she could call President Obama for spending ideas.  But, I digress.

 

Nobody picked all the numbers for weeks, hence the lofty prize.  It comes as no surprise since the odds of picking all the numbers are quite astronomical:  175,223,510 to 1.

 

Still, I, along with countless others will buy a chance to moan about not winning.  You see, if you don’t play, you cannot win.

 

All this leads me to point akin to 90 grit toilet paper.

 

Friends, acquaintances, and total strangers ask if I’m “in” for the big lottery game drawing.  When I answer in the affirmative, they invariably say, “I’m not but, you can give me some – maybe a million or so – if you win.”

 

Sure.  The check’s in the mail.

 

I would certainly appreciate any help understanding why they would expect anything from me if I incur all the risk.

 

Perhaps those are the people cut from the cloth of ‘what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.’

 

In any case, to put the number $550,000,000 into perspective, fathom this:  it would take you more than 16 years, 24-hours a day, seven-days a week, at the rate of $1 per second, to spend that kind of money.  And, we’re not counting any accrued interest.

 

At a 2% rate, that comes to roughly $11,000,000 interest.  Not too shabby.  Of course the government will want another cut of that money even though they already took a 38% share when you won.  Of course.

 

What is one to buy with all that cash?  A nice house, car, boat, and maybe a divorce are in order.  Some folks would well to buy a personality – you know who you are.

 

But here are a few practical ideas.  You could purchase more than 2,100 Ferrari 458 Italias, Alex Rodriguez’s services of not hitting baseballs for 16 years, or 22 cups of Starbuck’s coffee.

 

In any case, buying a lottery ticket is nothing more than temporary entertainment as you would watch a movie.  For $2, you are investing in a dream that may, or may not, pay off.  But as impractical as it seems, you are buying the hopes of how we could or would spend all that loot.  And that is better than most movies I’ve seen.