Smokey the cat, the official feline of www.EasternShoreFishAndGame.com
is a pretty amazing animal, much like your own kids whose bumper stickers adorn
your mini vans and SUVs with messages like ‘My son is an honor student at
WASSAMATA U.’ As such, he receives a treat in the form of
specially formulated cat nibbles that contain salmon, liver, and beef
shards. Still, he seems to enjoy them.
These bonuses are given as a reward for many things to
include putting his toys away, catching errant critters, and denoting bed
time. The problem begins with trying to
get those treats out of the bag.
It seems as though there is a law that cat treats need to be
packed in foil bags that are impossible for humans to open. These bags are dutifully labeled at the
factory with arrows pointing to that special spot on the pouch where the master
of the cat should place his fingers to tear it horizontally. Once torn, the instructions indicate, the
pouch is ready to dispense these delights.
Wrong.
Invariably, that “special spot” is either a fraction of an
inch too low or too high to be effective.
If it is too high, the bag remains sealed; if it is too low, the bag
cannot be resealed. Quite a conundrum
indeed, as Smokey likes his treats fresh.
But, he, too, get frustrated and he simply gnaws on the bag until he
rips a hole in the side. Problem solved.
Bags and pouches like these are called ‘zip-lock’ for a
reason. As the name would imply, you
should be able to zip the bag shut to lock in the freshness, hence the term
‘zip-lock.’
Recently, I decided to skirt the instructions that
are printed thereon to tear the bag open.
Now, I merely use scissors to cut the bag at a point where it might be
useful after breaking in. Wrong, again.
In the way of some free, handy advice, a scissors cut makes
the bag slice too smooth to separate which now requires the application of Plan
B. Plan B involves summoning my sainted
wife who senses my quickly approaching stroke.
Of course, her advice is always, “You should have torn it rather than
use scissors.” Of course. And, thanks for the help.
After being chastised for demonstrating my mechanical
shortcomings to my sainted wife, I glanced down at Smokey who is giggling and
pointing at me from beneath the kitchen table.
No treats for you!
Moving on to people food, is decide to prepare a bologna and
cheese sandwich for myself. This simple
task quickly becomes another adventure when I try to open a package of baby
Swiss cheese which was clearly packaged by the cat treat folks. Instead of being wrapped in foil, this cheese
is embalmed in clear plastic but, the results are the same – impossible to get
at.
After ingesting my blood pressure medication instead of a
sandwich, I decided to head off to the grocery store in search of some mangos,
and plastic baggies with which to keep my cheese and Smokey’s treats fresh.
This simple task nearly involved a stranger calling 911 as
after locating some nicely ripe mangos, I was found by a grocery store produce
department assistant manager rolling on the floor, in tears, attempting to open
one of those flimsy, clear plastic sleeves into which one places fruits and
vegetables. Although I was trying to
open the wrong end, I still contend the “open” end should have been marked with
at least an arrow or a line printed on the bag.
Other products present challenges to opening, too. Salad dressings, mayo, and a variety of other
condiments have seals with tiny tabs that merely tear off leaving the seal
secure. How the elderly and those with
arthritis break in to these products is amazing to me.
From today on, I’ll simply give these products to Smokey so
that he can gnaw on them until open since he has proven his dexterity in making
these products useable.
