This morning I awoke in a
parallel universe.
Both print and electronic media
were running stories about one of the greatest threats to the entire
planet. Of course I needed to take
notice.
The lead story was how – now is
the time to get your kids out of the room, lest they suffer irreversible damage
– Kroger’s grocery stores are taking the lead to ban the perpetually dangerous
plastic bags.
Some years ago, the brain trust
of environmentalists in America
Sheeple, people who have no free
thought or the ability to debate, called stores, and politicians alike, to help
rid our vulnerable planet of bio-degradable paper bags. Legislation was introduced and passed by
sheeple in an effort to “do something.”
Rather, shoppers we supposed to
use plastic bags as a viable, sensible solution.
For those who really want to
know, jurisdictions now banning plastic straws are turning to paper straws to
fill the void, inasmuch as the elderly and young children often need straws to
consume beverages.
And soon all was well. And there was peace on Earth upon ridding
society of paper bags. Hallelujah!
But now there is a push to get
rid of those plastic sacks that were ceremoniously foisted upon us without our
input.
I can picture the
environmentalists and politicians huddling about in a dimly-lit, locked room,
full of cigar smoke being filtered around a single low hanging light. Grunts and shadowy furrowed brows displayed
as note pads went untouched, sharpened pencils still honed.
Suddenly, a pinstriped-suit
sleeve moves toward the cloudy light beam; simultaneously, a gravelly voice
announces, “How about using paper bags instead of plastic!?!”
Strong concurring nods move the
smoke about, much as a ceiling fan would.
A quick glance to the side
reveals a nerdy, socially inept, bespectacled figure wearing a Mother Earth
t-shirt. This Sierra Club supporter
produces a thumbs-up sign, sealing the deal.
A suitcase full of currency
exchanges hands with a wink. The deal is
consummated.
Yep, it seems as if we’re going
back to the dangerous paper bags as a means to toting canned beans and iceberg
lettuce to our SUV’s.
There is a Plan B, though. The overly disturbed among us are pointing
the way to more environmentally friendly means of transporting food stuffs.
Plan B calls for the purchase and
use of cloth bags. At only $1 to $2,
each, they are promised to be good for the planet, good for the planet, and
good for the planet.
As an aside, these bags get dirty
and windup carrying germs and diseases.
They require regular laundering and repair to remain functional.
There is good news, though, about
these busybody environmentalists and sheeples – nobody lives forever.
