Every day of mine begins with a cup of muscular coffee and a
scrutiny of the obituaries. This has
become a habit since I entered that age vicinity where my confidants, family,
friends, and enemies begin to finally gain notoriety by finally getting their
names listed in the newspaper.
I said “finally,” because most of my associates are
law-abiding citizens who would never commit a crime. And that’s a good thing. But, I digress.
In today’s age, every living being – including Smokey the
cat – has a cellular phone with a camera, and they all use them to excess.
You can’t swing a dead opossum without hitting some amateur,
phone videographer/photographer snapping everything and everyone within a cold
radius.
I invented the term “cold radius” because that is the
miniscule distance from which a person is able to contract a cold from another
person of the unwell variety. You’re
welcome.
In any case, today, much like the past six-plus decades, is
a winner for me. My name did not appear
in the obits making me more fortunate than those whose name did appear therein.
And here is where the rub lies.
We recently celebrated Veteran’s Day. Veteran’s Day is a national holiday that is
something a non-veteran termed “floating holiday.” This crazy term is applied to holidays many
Americans feel are passé.
Veteran’s Day, Columbus Day, and National Pizza Day, are all
considered floating holidays because the anointed among us feel those days
represent distasteful events or honors.
By the way, Pizza Day is frowned upon because of the meat and
gluten. But I digress, again.
On Veteran’s Day, family members and friends post photos of
deceased service personnel in the ‘remembrance’ section of the obituaries. Looking dapper and freshly pressed and ready
for action, many of these photos harken back to World War
II , Korea , Vietnam , and Middle East
battles. For those youngsters in the
audience, the above reference is to World War two, not 11.
But on ordinary, non-holidays, a smattering of photos of the
deceased loved ones appears above the actual final notice.
People possess varying degrees of photogenic qualities. Personally, I have none. But I know that as a fact.
So it is with that I would like to make a suggestion.
If your loved one was born during the days of the Great
North American Buffalo Hunts, and died last week, please note the vintage of
that photo. You’re not fooling anyone by
posting a picture of them posing with President Lincoln during their high
school graduation.
And lastly, if the decedent wore a wide-brimmed white hat
with a leisure suit in 1979, with aviator sunglasses, please re-think added that
photo in the obit. Unless they were a
professional pimp, that is.
