It’s been more than ten-years
since I retired. And during that time I
have completed many, many tasks.
House painting, building, mowing,
raking, reupholstering, traveling, returning to school, bonsai trimming, auto
maintenance, and cleaning cat throw-up, are just a few of the everyday jobs
occupying my precious time.
In fact, I’ve practically run out
of demanding activities to the point where I can finally go fishing.
But in the meantime, I have
gravitated to the television to occupy my time during my newly realized down
times.
I’m the type of guy who takes
things pretty literally; if a product advertises a lifetime warranty, by golly
I’ll test that theory as if it is a dare.
Wrist watches that claim to be
“waterproof,” may be. If you weren’t
sure about the previous paragraph, I’m the fellow who will test the
waterproofness.
While opening the watch
packaging, I multitasked by concurrently filling the kitchen sink with
water. Immediately upon removal from the
packaging, the watch is then dropped into the awaiting water.
If it is still ticking, we have a
winner. If not, it is returned to
capitalize on that applicable warranty.
One morning a few months ago I
stumbled upon a commercial for a copper-colored frying pan. It was advertised as the ultimate in frying
experiences, largely because of its non-stick qualities.
It seems as though this frying
pan was designed and developed with me in mind.
Proudly advertised as indestructible and only $19.95, plus shipping and
handling, I read this as a personal challenge.
With its shimmering
copper-metallic finish, this culinary tool was calling out to me through my 55”
HDTV. I heard, “Buy me! Buy me!” with what sounded like a seraphim
choir in the background.
And so buy it, I did.
 |
| Often overlooked cooking tool |
When it arrived two weeks later,
after carefully unwrapping it in order to save the original packaging, I
immediately tossed it onto the range.
While the stove was heating up I located some gooey candy, marshmallows,
pea gravel, butter, orange juice, vodka martini on-the-rocks, and a fire
extinguisher.
With the above ingredients loaded
in the new pan, it wasn’t long before I had a “three-fer” on my hands. Of course the martini and fire extinguisher
were for my personal entertainment and benefit, respectively.
As the new pan was being tested,
the range hood passed its test by healthily blowing the billowing smoke from
the kitchen as the smoke detector functioned as it should. But I digress.
Shortly after the volunteer fire
department left, my sainted wife returned home from getting her nails
“done.” Her enthusiasm and delight clearly
left her speechless. But only for a
moment.
Even though she didn’t say so, I
could tell she admired my adventurism and gift of curiosity. Eventually, she stopped yelling, and all was
well, again.
Here’s some good news,
though. We returned the pan for a
replacement. And in the meantime, I
discovered a sealing product that will glue boats together.
Since Clyde ,
my neighbor, is out of town for a while, I figure I’ll surprise him with his
newly-sealed row boat when he returns.
Life doesn’t get better than
this.
