Up or Down

Good lessons in life are the ones learned.  Falling off a bicycle, for example, is one lesson that will teach you to pay attention to where you are and what you’re doing, or you should just dismount and walk.

There are many more examples that would take too much time and space to address anywhere except the Halls of Congress.

When I was a child, my Dad taught me how to use the bathroom, in general, the toilet, in specific.

It seems as though he got ‘The Lecture” from my Mom.  Being a Johnny-come-lately, I was subject to all house rules without the benefit of any personal input.

Being a quick learner in a house split evenly between testosterone and estrogen, I realized my opinion mattered less than that of the family dog.

I can’t recall the exact date or time when my Mom screamed from the bathroom.  It was something about that mystical device called the “toilet seat.”

People in Canada should pay attention as some good trivia is on-deck.

A toilet seat consists of two moving parts: 1.) The lid, 2.) The seat.

Simplicity, at its best

I called them moving parts because, well, they move.  They go up and down to form a variety of configurations, creating a stool, or a cover to prevent things from going into the toilet.  The seat also moves up and down to accommodate uses for those who sit or stand to perform their duties.

Women, I learned as a youngster, had great difficulty operating the aforementioned seat portion of the toilet.

Again, during my formative years, I learned how to better aim and shoot with each use of the toilet.

Unfortunately, before my aim improved, I was less than stellar at hitting the water inside the commode; it occasionally found its way onto the seat part.

That didn’t bother me too much.  My sister and Mom, well, they were less forgiving.

Still, it didn’t take long for me to learn to pick up the seat at the appropriate times.

Unfortunately, there was a part that was baffling.  When I was done, I left the seat in the “up” position.  Remember, there are only two positions.  No matter how I left it, it was wrong.

Thank goodness a lecture was involved and it was déjà vu all over again.

And, much like bike riding, I brought these valuable lessons into my marriage.

This is where the point of this exercise is revealed.  For decades, it was drummed into my thick skull that women could do anything a man could.  The one exception is repositioning the toilet seat.  There – I said it.

Many decades later, I’m still married and remember how to make the toilet seat function to everyone’s delight.

But I was in the doctor’s office yesterday, and I needed to use the bathroom.  I opened the door to the unisex facility and broke out into a cold sweat.  There in the corner was a toilet with the seat in the down position.

My mind began spinning like wheels in a slot machine, searching for an answer to a long-solved question.

I picked the seat up and did my business.  I didn’t put it back down because of consideration to the next man who wouldn’t have to lift it.  I was also thoughtful so as not to leave the seat down and possibly damp.

If you were next in the bathroom cue, you’re welcome.