Although I’m a little
long-in-the-tooth, I feel there’s still room to start a new career.
There are some really challenging
areas in which I could see myself earning an honest living. Television watcher, radio listener, coffee
drinker, excessive speeder, and life-critic, are just a few.
But one, in particular, popped
into my head only moments ago.
I’d like to be a – TA DA – sports
reporter.
My days in school were fraught
with learning several foreign and dead languages, mathematics, English, varying
sciences, geography, American and world history, sprinkled with electives.
I had little time for sports but
still enjoyed playing a bit of baseball, football, and running track. I wasn’t especially good at any of those
particular games, but I tried and had fun doing so.
So it was with interest that I
was glued to my 55” HDTV, watching some sports news that I realized there are
few, if any, rules about graduating.
The bowl games are now in
full-swing with wanna-be college students basically auditioning for
professional football scouts.
 |
| Highest IQ participant on the field |
These players are in school to
learn academics, then – much as I did – play sports for fun. Not all these self-aggrandized ball players
will make the transition to pro sports so, they would do well to prepare for
that pesky Plan B.
Plan B is getting a real job that
involves working well with others after getting to the job on time, when prescribed.
They should also expect to work hard all day, not just for an offensive
stint, or a defensive job.
And their pay will not likely
exceed $33,000,000 per annum. I would
expect somewhere in the low- mid-$20,000’s.
That’s a fair entry-level starting position. But I digress.
Back in my LazyBoy recliner, I
was suffering from ear strain attempting to decipher what the on-screen sports
college bowl sports figure was trying to say.
The football athlete, wearing a ball cap, sideways, was asked a
simple question, “What do you expect to do if your team wins, tonight?”
“I uh, like, uh wiff ma boyz, be
heddin uh, to uh, ya know, be gone to…”
At this point my empathy jumped
out of me and I shut the television off, hoping no one else would laugh at this
higher-education embarrassment. It was
very painful for me to watch this spectacle. Yes, I have pity, too.
Then, in the silence – my Denon
sound bar was extremely quiet – I thought to myself,
“Self, what would be my next
question to this apparent Rhodes Scholar?”
“Sir, does your school offer
basic English and English vocabulary as either a course or as a remedial
subject?”
It would be at this point I would
expect this amateur athlete to ask me what a “remedial” was.
As an aside, people have been making fun of NASCAR figures for 50+
years, because the majority of them are from The South. They long have been accused of talking funny.
The good news about all this is
I’m not a sports reporter. Better news
is that this same demonstrated ignoramus may be making $33,000,000 a year,
while kneeling on the sidelines during the National Anthem, then telling you
why America
