It was a day to pick up provisions in the big city when I
espied something worth a story. You see,
here on The Eastern Shore, one must drive roughly twelve miles, one way, to buy
anything except illegal drugs. Those can
easily be had four doors away.
To prevent embarrassment to the store, we’ll cleverly change
its name and simply refer to it as Tallmart.
Preparing to leave Tallmart for the twelve mile trek back
home, my sainted wife needed to make the ride more comfortable by using their
bathroom.
I waited near the Tallmart
Vision Center
This display woman model was attractive but, she had two
different colored eyes; one hazel, the other blue.
Since I had time on my hands I examined this display closely
and desperately tried to make sense of it.
It seems as though Eastern Shore
women – those with four kids out of wedlock, pink-dyed stringy and greasy hair,
no teeth, driving a rusted Ford Pinto with cardboard duct-taped to at least one
window, need only a pair of colored contact lenses to make them more
attractive.
That extra step would likely garner them at least one more
out-of-wedlock child. Yeah!
Forget the fact the death trap they’re driving has bald
tires and is started with a screwdriver.
Colored contact lenses are a must.
Much like those 70” UHDTVs, with the curved screens,
satellite receivers, and the newest cell phones, these corrective lenses are
advertised as a must.
This is what people like I call “misplaced priorities.” People who can least afford them are the ones
that buy them. The young’uns don’t have
the funds to buy diapers and formula, while the old relic retirees who have
been saving money for decades don’t really need them.
So who is buying these colored contact lenses?
I have been wearing spectacles since I was a little kid and
still have trouble putting drops in my eyes, much less contact lenses. Besides, I really have no need to alter the
color of my eyes because I’m not vain and I have my priorities in order. Period.
After contemplating this scenario for days I realized that
the schools are teaching kids the wrong things.
They can’t balance a checkbook, follow no-texting-while-driving laws,
understand why children shouldn’t have children, and comprehend why drugs are
bad.
Good for Tallmart being able to try and sell these
non-critical items to the masses. But
just as the government geniuses place age limits on the purchase of alcohol,
tobacco, and firearms, they should place a bank account minimum balance on
purchasing such frivolous niceties.
In my humble opinion, that is.
