Last week we took a quick look at
Eastern Shore mosquitoes. I’m not going to rehash that brilliant essay
here but, I must add that although it is pretty humorous, it is all true.
This week we’ll examine a
phenomenon on The Shore known as EST.
In most circles, EST is an
abbreviation for Eastern Standard Time.
CST is short for Central Standard Time, PST would be Pacific Time, and
MST is Mountain Standard Time.
However, the EST of which I write
is not Eastern Standard Time rather, it is Eastern Shore Time.
It seems that on the thin strip
of land known as The Eastern Shore, a mystical long-sought after physics
anomaly that involves a time warp can be found that would definitely make
Albert Einstein proud.
This EST can be better described
as a loafer’s dream. No, I don’t mean
those shoes into which owners insert pennies; these loafers are the kind of
people who loudly complain about their inability to find work on The Shore.
Jobs abound here, some varying
because of crop harvesting or climate.
But many other jobs are available year-round and with abundance. Perhaps the pay is about the minimum wage
level, but they exist.
BTW, those morons who demand
minimum wage be arbitrarily elevated to points of $15 per hour and beyond,
should realize their skills are not commensurate with more money. But, I digress.
EST is a syndrome that affects
most hourly employees on The Shore.
An example would be calling a
plumber to rectify a leak. It is not a
big deal to the plumber because it’s not in the plumber’s house. A call to the plumber is usually greeted by
an answering machine.
A reasonable time to wait for a
return call would be two days. On EST,
that time warp makes two days two months.
Electricians are very similar in
their contact skills. They sometimes
return calls to schedule appointments, sometimes not.
As a note of interest, I left a
voicemail message at the Bank of America.
The number I called was clearly printed on a business card. Of course the phone was busy and directed me
to an answering device; I left a unmistakably concise message with my return
phone number. That was in 2008. I’m still awaiting a call from them. I don’t think they’re going to call.
In any case, if we jump back to
paragraph eight, I mentioned the factor of skills and money and the association
therewith.
Perhaps all this lack of
communications is not about a time warp, or not about being too lazy to acquire
a small job. Perhaps, just perhaps,
these “professionals” are simply too stupid to know how to dial a cell phone.
Cell phones are those thingies
you see people holding up to their ears while traveling the highways and byways
of America
This ability to have people more
available to others just by punching in a few numbers is nothing short of
miraculous.
And perhaps those same people who
receive calls could learn to dial out – because those phone thingies actually
call out – to return calls to clients who will pay the plumbers and
electricians. Maybe those trades-people
would quit complaining about finding work.
Sorry. That Eastern Shore Time thing is real, but it
is also self-imposed. Mr. Einstein, I
apologize for getting your hopes up.
