My sainted wife and I, along with
another couple, were enjoying an early dinner at our yacht club last
night. Yes, I belong to a yacht club,
so there! A substitute Maître d walked
by chatting with new diners while we all eavesdropped.
“I hofe yoo ‘mjoy yoo ‘inner,”
was all our table could make out.
The newly-seated party exchanged
glances of bewilderment after the young greeter’s departure. A tone of sympathy set in when they mistook
her poor communication skills for a disability.
“Is she vocally disabled?” one of
our table asked the other three.
At which time I felt compelled to
interject the real reason she possessed a lingual challenge. Her tongue was bifurcated.
To save you the time and energy
to look it up, a bifurcated tongue is one on which the owner surgically slices
it down the middle until they reach the anchor point on the mouth bottom.
After some practice, the two
snake-like tongue parts can move independently.
This is important to the person who sought such body modifications
because they are considered really erotic during sexual episodes. Eating an ice cream cone - not so much.
The one downfall is that if you
have a job outside the bedroom or brothel, you’ll likely have to engage others
in meaningful conversation that renders words slurred.
“Wuv it goo fo yoo?” is the way I
imagine the post-copulation talk going.
All this may be totally
satisfactory for those who even work on an assembly line or in some sort of
occupation that requires little or no interaction with other human beings.
But, when it comes to service
positions, the line should be drawn.
Of course, not all people are as
crass as I am. The folks at our table
exuded great sympathy when they thought she was born with the inability to
speak clearly and distinctly.
It’s not much different than
people who obtain piercings or inserts in their ear lobe to make them look like
gymnastics rings.
It’s your body to do with what you
want but, there are consequences to ones actions. And those consequences include not getting a
job because your extracurricular activities far outweigh you professional ones.
That’s a free tip from a guy with
his tongue intact.
