Growing up in the Dark Ages, we had little in the way of
television entertainment. I recall
watching Mickey Mouse, The Lone Ranger, The Roy Rogers Show, and Lassie as
educational TV on the three channels we received.
That was before the United States
At the time, these shows were the greatest venues to aid
with our developing imaginations. For
example, after helping Roy Rogers follow the bad guys across the western
landscape, I would pretend – equally well – that I was assisting him. Riding my stick horse and drawing my
six-shooter, I would corner those bad guys and relish in the moment before
heading off to a plate of Mom’s meatloaf.
It seems as though many of today’s writers are my age and
having flash-backs to the days of black and white television. Yes, television was strictly black and white
until the 1960’s.
These writers have been taking small screen programs and
turning them into cinema productions for some years now. Superman is an excellent example, as is
Batman.
But, let’s not forget the ‘newer’ shows that have been
re-done into movies. Starsky and Hutch,
The A-Team, Get Smart, and Dark Shadows, are among the resurrected programs
that were questionable during their initial TV run. No need to remake these shows into movies for
more humiliation.
Enter The Lone Ranger.
The Lone Ranger was a personal friend of mine – he and Tonto, that
is. These guys and I rode countless
miles of trails in search of the dirt bags needing capturing. I’d like to feel that both of these fellows
would be in dire trouble if not for my riding and shooting skills. Still, in their new movie, there was little
interest in this duo and no mention of me.
Losses for this film are estimated to near
$190,000,000. That’s a whole bunch of
money for those of you keeping track.
I’m not sure how much money the other movie remakes took in,
or even why they were made in the first place.
Perhaps those old writers felt a new generation should revel in the
adventures and antics of characters of days-gone-by.
Perhaps those writers could not conjure up a new, unique
idea in the form of a storyline. In any
case, these TV shows had a shelf life that expired before their venue became
color, and clearly don’t translate well into digital age adventures – big name
stars, or not.
So what is next for a rewritten television show geared for a
new generation?
Lassie. For
youngsters in the my little cyber world, Lassie was a Collie who was smarter
than Timmy, his master. Timmy and the
surrounding townspeople were always acting the klutz by becoming involved in
any number of misadventures. A falling
windmill traps farmer Brown, a chicken starts a fire in the barn, Aunt Sue
tumbles into a well, and Lassie alerts Timmy to their dire situations.
Barking and gesturing with his nose – Lassie was a girl
actually played by a boy dog – Timmy would eventually catch on to Lassie’s
alerting him about some unfortunate event.
Sometimes Timmy would be able to handle the matter with Lassie, other
times they required the extra help of Timmy’s Dad. Always, though, the outcome was heroic.
This type of family-oriented entertainment is not conducive
to a digital-accustomed audience that relishes movies such as Avatar. So guys, save your time and money and don’t
make Lassie into a movie.
